Episode 5x11 "A Very Topanga Christmas"

The 100th episode of Boy Meets World, how exciting. Based on the title, though, it's going to be a bunch of Corpanga relationshippy garbage.

It is indeed Christmas time, and Cory's making sure his family members don't do anything embarrassing while Topanga stays with them. He pulls Eric aside and shows him the "promise ring" he bought for Topanga, which "means we'll be together forever." Eric comments how precious that is, but also adds that Cory and Topanga are "freaks". See, that one tiny line puts the relationshippy nonsense in a totally different light. In, say, Long Walk to Pittsburgh, or Chasing Angela, we're supposed to believe that this relationship is the pinnacle of success, and everyone should strive for it. So by quickly adding the disclaimer that they're freaks, we can proceed with a much more relaxed perspective.

Amy arrives at the front door with Topanga, saying "look what I brought you for Christmas". Cory responds "Oh look, Miss Topanga-Head," like Miss Potato Head, which is a much better Topanga-name-joke than anything I ever came up with. Alan brings out his "special egg nog", so you know it's time to get blasted. This tradition isn't well received by Topanga though, whose family prefers to drink hot cider around Christmas.

She further insists that they go out and buy a fresh cut tree, instead of Alan's beloved aluminum tree. Even more, she is expecting to open gifts on Christmas Eve, another clash with the Matthews family. Eric pulls his little brother aside while Topanga retrieves her top-of-the-tree ornament from upstairs. The law is laid down. Eric calls Cory out for being completely whipped (without that exact terminology), but Cory insists that he will defy his girlfriend on the matter of the tree's top ornament. He fails.

Mister Feeny has apparently broken into their home as he now enters the living room, ready to read A Christmas Carol to the Matthews family, like he does every year.

This tradition, like all the others so far, is on death row when Topanga decides it would be more fun to have everyone act out the parts of the story. No one defies Mister Feeny. A very clear line has been crossed here.

At The Apartment, the Hunter boys are trying to deal with the fact that they have nothing in common and nothing interesting to do for entertainment. They don't say it, but I'm pretty sure they both miss Eric. Anyway Shawn's history gets reconned a little bit more as he claims he used to dream of having Christmas with his brother, and that now they're going to have the best Christmas ever.

This is suuuuuuuuuuuuuuper boring. Back home, Topanga wakes Cory up at 3 a.m to talk about some bullshit, it doesn't even matter, and Cory doesn't want to be there. Man, they sure are stretching nothing into everything with this episode. It's almost halfway now and all they've done is show us how Topanga's traditions are different from Cory's. There aren't even any jokes, it's just "tehe see how kooky her traditions are". I am not a fan.

Cory, now awake, goes downstairs and finds his father building a model plane on the couch. Apparently he faces a similar ordeal fairly regularly, where Amy wakes him up to talk and then she falls back asleep, leaving him to make models. Cory explains that he doesn't like learning how different he and Topanga are, when he had previously thought they were exactly alike. Even though that's pretty dumb, since we've seen almost zero examples of things they actually have in common. They've always been really different people. Typical Boy Meets World, I guess. Alan doesn't have much advice, but gives his son a model plane to build.

The next morning at breakfast, Topanga continues the execution of Operation: Destroy Christmas, and Cory finally puts his foot down.

I don't know how I can possibly make this review interesting, I'm sorry.

Cory is now at The Apartment with the Hunters. Shawn thinks he's an idiot for ditching Topanga over trivial differences, especially while he and Jack are trying so hard to find one thing that they have in common. I do like that, that we're finally getting another look at this struggle to find brotherhood that they made such a big deal about at the beginning of the season. Unfortunately, all Shawn does is mention it, and the focus is right back on Cory's relationshippy nonsense. Topanga shows up, apologizes for Operation: Destroy Christmas, then heads out again.

Honestly the most enjoyable thing in this episode so far is Jack in this scene, doing this sort of running background joke where he doesn't really know who Topanga is. This has actually been a great week for Jack, I've liked him in all three episodes. But it's only a matter of time before it's back to the old ways. The characters are all night and day between episodes this season. Sometimes Cory is Satan, and then Last Tango In Philly comes around. Eric is the only really consistent character.

Anyway Cory says he's going to hang out at the apartment and watch A Christmas Carol on TV, and Shawn and Jack realize they both love ice skating.

Now it's time for the inevitable dream sequence imitating A Christmas Carol. Mister Feeny has taken on the role of Ghost of Christmas Future. The future reveals an obese Cory eating pancakes for every meal, as well as  the happily married couple of Jack and Topanga. WooOOOooo way to go Jack! Japanga have compromised on the Christmas traditions, something Cory didn't even consider.

WOAH SHOTS FIRED. Cory's real sad and some sad music plays. But I'm not sad.

The dream ends and Cory returns home. He gives Topanga the promise ring, and comments that it's a good thing they're different. Topanga agrees and gives him a promise ring as well. It's a sort of cutesy way to show us that they're similar in the ways that matter. Yes, just like the wise sage Eric foretold earlier in the episode, they are both freaks.

During the credits, celebrations are winding down and Feeny harkens everyone over to listen to his reading of A Christmas Carol. It skips ahead to the conclusion, and everyone has fallen asleep.

It's time for a KBM PRO RE-WRITE *guitar solo*

SO THE CAMERA PANS ACROSS THE WHOLE ROOM, RIGHT, we see everybody on the couch, and then finally it's Shawn and Jack in their chairs, but they're both still awake, just sitting there enjoying the story. They don't look at each other or anything, they're just sitting there listening, it's very subtle.

I was so sure that's what was gonna happen while the camera was moving across, SO SURE, what a let down.

Plot: 0.25 - The thirty seconds of Shawn and Jack was good.

Character Development: 0.25 - Shawn and Jack realize this whole brotherhood thing might work out.

Humor: 0.25 - Eric had almost no screen time, nobody else was very funny except that one Jack bit.

Life Lesson: 0.5 - Christmas Future Feeny's comments about compromise in relationships were important, but we don't ever see it implemented. Cory just goes home and gives Topanga the promise ring.

1.25 out of 4.0. It sucks. Almost nothing redeeming going on here. Turnaround in season 2 still holds the title of best holiday episode of the series. Christmas episodes are notorious for being bad across all series, and Very Topanga Christmas is no exception. It was a waste of time.

Thanks for reading, see you Monday.

All images used under Fair Use.