Episode 5x08 "Chasing Angela (Part 2)"

Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'entrate.

Shawn is on another date at Chubbie's. You know, I'm surprised that Shawn's most significant reputation is as a playboy. He really ought to be known as the guy who takes girls to Chubbie's. Shawn's date is doing an obnoxious cheer that just spells out his name, and some extras in the background are staring.

So that's about par for the course, but as we saw in the last episode, Shawn is growing past this stuff. On the other side of the restaurant are Angela and her date, some guy telling the story of how he “saved the day” at a football game. Then he asks her if she wants to make out. Angela is as bored as Shawn, and we're supposed to react like “wow they would be totally not bored if they were together,” which I guess is true if we accept everything from the last episode.

On yet another side of the restaurant are Cory and Topanga, who clearly never have anything to do besides watch Shawn go on dates. They've been doing this pretty consistently. Cory wants to interfere and tell Shawn that the contents of The Purse belonged to Angela, citing “this is the woman of his dreams, the woman he could spend the rest of his life with.” Is that right, Cory? Because last episode you told Shawn he was stupid for falling in love with a purse. Topanga insists that he stay out of it though, since Shawn demanded at the end of 5x07 that Cory stay out of his personal life. But Cory, of course, doesn't listen. He detaches Shawn from the lips of the aspiring cheerleader and tells him about Angela and The Purse. Between the little summary Cory gives now and the “last time on Boy Meets World” at the beginning, there was no reason to even watch the last episode. Shawn has a surprisingly rational response to this news.

Okay when I said “rational” I meant half rational. I like that he's going back to his actual experience instead of saying “Oh Angela is the purse girl? Now I love Angela!” So that part is rational, but thinking that he would have fallen in love with Angela after two weeks is not so rational. Then again, if we accept the previous episode, then Shawn is capable of loving very quickly. So under that premise this is a well thought out response. It doesn't matter though since Cory responds with his special brand of nonsense.

Ohhhhhhhhhh mannnnnnnnn. First of all, “everything you've ever wanted”? Try everything he's wanted since the last episode. But this show has a habit of turning a single episode into ALL OF HISTORY. Second, what the frickety frack!? Cory is revoltingly pretentious about love at this point in the show. I miss the good old days when Cory was so sure he knew nothing about anything. That was easy to relate to and identify with. But now he's supposed to sound wise and it doesn't work at all.

Shawn goes over to Angela's table, and she's not making out with her date. I'm kind of disappointed by that, honestly. If Shawn can kiss his date and not care, why can't she? As always, I am confused by her hair.

Everything else aside, she is a pretty good actress. And if I didn't know the future, I probably wouldn't have a problem with her at this point. She's at least got some hobbies, unlike Jack. Shawn starts giggling and looks back at Cory who reminds him to “look into her eyes”. Shawn does so, and is left speechless. And so it begins. Cory is going to be completely unbearable after this...

At school the next day, Cory's got this shit-eating grin and says “hey hey, Shawny's in love!” Yup, unbearable. Shawn's afraid to talk to Angela though, so he hides in the janitor's closet. Joining us now is Topanga Lawrence with a bunch of anniversary balloons from Cory. He also claims to have made reservations at some restaurant. WOW CORY. MISTER MASTER OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS OVER HERE, with this boring ass balloons and dinner anniversary plan. You're all talk and no game, Cory. No game. And there's probably a timeline issue with their anniversary being this early in the season, but what does it even matter at this point. God, look at me. I've been broken. They've broken my continuity-loving spirit.

Now Topanga's being unbearable as well, “awww that's so sweet”, “that's so cute”, talking about Shawn's nervousness, not the balloons. Doesn't seem like she cares about the balloons. But she should, because the world is running out of Helium. Angela comes over and asks Shawn if he wants to get food later, and also gives him a seashell that she claims reminded her of him. Hell of a better gift than balloons.

At The Apartment, Jack's finishing up a phone call with his mother, who has informed him that she and Jack's stepdad are going on a cruise during Thanksgiving. Jack comments that he'll have to have Thanksgiving all alone. Except that's not true because he could easily have Thanksgiving with Shawn. I swear, 90% of the time the writers forget that Shawn lives in this apartment too. Their whole brotherhood storyline completely vanished after those first two episodes. Anyway Jack asks to eat with Eric and his family, and ultimately they decide to host Thanksgiving for everybody there at the apartment. While all this happening, Eric makes himself a peanut butter and cereal sandwich, which calls back a joke from a past season where Morgan was making silly cereal sandwiches. It's subtle, though, and I appreciate that.

Back at John Adams, Shawn's taken up residence in that janitor's closet where he is currently reviewing his “black book” of girls' phone numbers.

Hmmmm.... IS MORGAN IN THERE? Or maybe it's Grandma Matthews.

This scene is more of Cory being the Love Guru, while Shawn's scared of giving up everyone in his book for a relationship with Angela. He says that a committed relationship is a new and foreign concept to him, but I thought that changed with Dana back in season 3. Honestly I'm still rooting for Shawn and Dana. But in the end, he realizes that the only person in the book he really cares about is Angela.

Now Jack and Eric are up to some WILD AND CRAZY ANTICS. Eric is trying to make an ice sculpture of a turkey and Jack made some shitty pumpkin pie.

Even when it's Jack doing something silly, they still rely on Eric for the punchline.

Jack starts to freak out, but Eric assures him that his family doesn't care about Thanksgiving very much. Just then, Alan shows up and tells the boys a story about how much Thanksgiving means to him. It is “the most important day of the year”. And then he leaves. Isn't that what telephones are for? That was a waste of gas, Alan. Think about the environment.

Time for a Chubbie's date. Shawn is playing Vivaldi's Spring on the jukebox, the same thing he did at the end of the last episode. He's recreating the same date he tried to have while returning The Purse. It's clear that Angela doesn't know about Shawn and The Purse yet though. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? That's ridiculous! Nosy ass Cory and Topanga, getting in everybody's everything, never bothered to tell Angela that Shawn already knows all this shit about her? “Aww they're a match made in heaven, even though he went through all her shit and she doesn't know about it.” And the girl whose purse it was never bothered to mention who this guy was that found her purse? Bah, I say! Bah!

Turns out that Angela is still going out with that football guy, but luckily Cory is waiting in the wings and advises Shawn to just tell Angela how he feels. You need to brace yourself for this one.

I could write a BOOK on that line right there, “Why can't we be Cory and Topanga?” It says so much about Shawn's character and where his character arcs have taken him. Hidden in that line is the question “Why can't I have what Cory has?” and that is MASSIVE! HUUUUUUUUGE! “Why can't I have a real home, and real parents, and a real brother, and a real romance, and go to college...” Every step of the way, Shawn feels like he's got the knockoff brand compared to Cory. And if Cory weren't so smug about the whole thing this could have actually been amazing.

Unfortunately, Angela just says she's sorry and has to go.

At school the next day, Shawn's falling apart and tells Cory he's just gonna go back to using his black book.

Which reminds me that there was a BBC comedy called Black's Books. Funny show. Anybody seen that?

Shawn is being realistic about all this, saying hey, I tried, I got hurt, time to let go, Angela doesn't want what I want. I'm gonna directly quote Cory's response to that: “She doesn't know what she wants. I know what she wants.” The audience doesn't laugh at that or anything. That's his most infuriating line yet. And then he tells Shawn a story about how he kissed Topanga when they were four years old. It has nothing to do with anything, and also bull fucking shit he did. I can't handle this episode you guys. I have never hated Cory so much. Shawn reacts to this story with “I want what you have,” and Cory replies “Then go get it.” Ughhhhhhhhh.

Another Chubbie's date, it's Angela and that football guy from the beginning again, his name is Ted. Shawn interrupts their date and Ted offers Shawn a french fry. I like this guy, I'm gonna be honest. He's really cool and funny for this whole scene. Shawn's busy trying to explain to Angela why they're perfect for each other, but I can't even focus on it because his leather jacket is making so much noise. I'm not kidding, watch this scene, all you can hear is his jacket. Ted takes his fries and bails because he's the coolest guy on this show, and Angela looks like she's been convinced to go out with Shawn again.

We're at a restaurant called Barelli's now, where Cory has made reservations for Shangela, and this is also where Topanga will be joining him for their anniversary dinnner because god forbid Shawn go on a date without Cory. Also their waiter is the stylist from Hair Today Goon Tomorrow (EDIT No he's not. They're not even remotely similar looking. I am an idiot). Corpanga arrive and Cory just stares at Shawn and Angela the whole time. Frustrated with Cory's ridiculous behavior, Topanga yells “What's happening to us?”

So she's not as completely insane as Cory, and is equally annoyed by him as I am. Shawn and Angela both feel like this place is too fancy, so they order burgers because they want to “be themselves”. Shawn claims he has no idea what he's doing, which is pretty damn clear. Topanga and Cory start yelling at each other because Toperarkldajklsdf doesn't want to be an old married couple at 17. They cool off and Cory claims that he was only doing all this nonsense because he thought that's what she wanted, which is just a HUGE fucking lie. Agreeing to actually behave like they're 17, they knock everything off the table and start making out on top of it. It might even be funny if I thought this relationship made any sense at all. NAUSEA WARNING: Angela comments that she wants “what they have” and she kisses Shawn. Thank god this scene is over now.

It's Thanksgiving time now at The Apartment, and all the boys have is “an Easter basket and a Santa Claus”. Now everybody arrives and oh look Thanksgiving isn't ruined since they all brought the food.

FINALLY, IT HAS HAPPENED. TODAY IS THE DAY OF LEGEND. A DAY OF MOURNING, AND YET OF NEW HOPE. TODAY, MORGAN WAS OVERALL LESS ANNOYING THAN CORY. LIGHT THE BEACONS!

Plot: 0.25 – Pfffffff

Character Development: 0.5 – Cory sucks. Bad. But Shawn has entered a serious relationship, and whether we like it or not, it is development.

Humor: 0.5 – Eric, as always, was hilarious, but he didn't get a lot of screen time.

Life Lesson: 0 – Easier zero than the time travel episode.

1.25 out of 4.0. It sucks. Watching it only made me angry. Cory was genuinely insufferable. That's not what we watch this show for. We don't want Hollywood romance and star-crossed lovers. This was a huge step backward.

Thanks for reading, if you managed to get this far. See you Monday.

All images used under Fair Use.