Episode 3x10 "Train of Fools"

Boy Meets World has decided to mix things up in the world of television by doing a New Year's Eve episode instead of Christmas. Shawn's uncle Lazlo drives a limo as a business, and he's "not busy" for New Year's, so uncle Lazlo is going to chauffeur our heroes around to various parties or whatever fifteen year olds do on New Year's in 1995. Eric's got a date with some jeans model named Rebecca Alexa and he's preeeeetty excited.

Okay now it's New Year's Eve. Boy that was probably the most blatant plot establishment in the series. Just explicit statements of exactly what was going on. Hm.

Lazlo's limo is actually a hearse. Big laughs here guys... big ol laughs... :|
The disappointment continues at Turner's apartment where we get a story that we don't want. Turner and Eli are about to have a bros' night for New Year's with pizza and beer, and they reminisce about women they dated this past year. Over the span of less than 60 seconds, two women from Turner's past show up at the door and invite themselves in. WHAT A KOOKY CRAZY WACKY ZANY WHATEVERTHEFUCK.

And apparently the two women are old friends. My face is lookin a lot like Eli's there. The director was probably like "hey, just make the same face you made when you read this script." I feel you, man.

Apparently the corpse in the back of Uncle Lazlo's hearse started breathing, so the boys have lost their mode of transportation and are back at Cory's house. They picked up Topanga along the way, so she's with them now too. Oh hey, Eric's car broke down so now he and Rebecca Alexa are also back at the Matthews House. I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS WATCHIN, FUCKIN, THE FLINTSTOOOOOONES. OR THE JETSONS OR WHATEVER. HAS THERE EVER BEEN LAZIER WRITING? I'm not happy with this so far.

Rebecca Alexa is playing by Angela Visser. She's not a real model, but you'd think so from the way she delivers her lines. I have absolutely no idea how she got this part. Fuckin, Jim Abbott was a better actor and he's a baseball player. Anyway Ms. Visser has had a very limited career in television, except for playing "Ms. Dupre" on some shit called USA High that miracle'd its way into three seasons. 

So now the gang decide to share a cab to get downtown. But then Cory sends the cabbie away because of some kinda shit like, I dunno, his license doesn't look like him, so Cory thinks he's a serial killer or something. We're almost halfway into the episode and fuck all has happened. Is this a bottle episode? Are we going to be stuck here forever? 

Nope, they take the subway. But it's still basically a two-bottle episode between the subway and Turner's place. On the wall of the subway car, Cory and Shawn find a PSA with a picture of Mr. Feeny, which is the closest thing to humor we're gonna get today.

Cory spills the beans that Eric just wants to kiss Rebecca Alexa at midnight as a sort of trophy display, so she bails out of the subway car while it's stopped. And then the subway train breaks down. I need a snorkel for how many tropes I'm swimming in right now. Who gave this the green light? Anybody can tell you exactly how this is gonna end, they're gonna find some way to make a cool party right there on the subway. Sorry Boy Meets World, but you're playing at a disadvantage right from the start here: nothing can ever beat that subway episode of Hey Arnold. 

LET'S ALL HOLD HAAAAAAAAAANDS, HERE ON THE SUBWAYYYYYY.

So Eric's freaking out but Shawn is playin it coooooooool. So far he's found a woman who's gone into labor in car 2, and some parochial schoolgirls in car 5. And then they waste some time making some bad jokes. The scene fades out and then back in on Turner's apartment where Turner's two ex girlfriends are yucking it up and talking shit about the guy WHOSE APARTMENT THEY JUST STORMED INTO while the men look on with disapproval. 

Well that's real great, trolls ass writers, ask the only reasonable question and then brush it under the goddamn rug. Great. I'm great. No problem.

Back in the Subway, Shawn announces that the woman in labor is close to finishing or whatever the word is for that, and so asks the car if anyone knows anything about delivery. Shawn then picks out a pizza delivery guy who then enthusiastically runs to help deliver the baby. It's word play. It's a pun. It's like a uh, it's like a children's coloring book in here. I quit.

Shawn's havin a great time though, he's about to go check up on those parochial girls.

I'll be honest with ya Shawnie boy, at this point, I would believe that one of your uncles is the pope. You've had an uncle just about everywhere else, so why not the Vatican. This prompts Cory to give us today's platitude, that you can make the best of any situation, so he's gonna try to have fun with Shawn and Topanga. Not Eric though.

Okay that was actually pretty funny. Will Friedle usually comes through at least once.

Back at Turner's, Eli is saying a bunch of terrible things about his best buddy to fit in with the women. Bros Before Hoes, come on Eli, this is a blatant violation. A third ex girlfriend shows up at the door, crying about how she needs someone who will listen to her problems. Turner sets her loose on Eli and his concubines, and then high-tails it the fuck up outta there.  The best thing about this arc is that it's over now. There's some slight unintentional humor in the fact that Turner feels the same way about all of this as I do.

In the subway car, everyone has some party hats on somehow, and one of the other passengers is like "hey guys, lets hear it for this guy who put all this party shit together". The guy in question is Cory, and the one speaking is a black guy who pronounces party as "parrrrrrttayyyyy", and none of the white people on the subway understand what that means. Ughhhhhh. And then everybody starts shaking Cory's hand and patting him on the back. It's just an absolute travesty of sitcomy bull shit. 

Eric's still moping, but then he and Cory reminisce about all the past New Year's Eves, and then Eric's not sad anymore and jesus christ are you kidding me. Shawn's got some of those schoolgirls hanging around with him but they look 30 years old so I don't even know what the fuck.

Plot: 0.15 - pffffhahahahaha. 

Character Development: 0 - pffffffffhahahahaha.

Humor: 0.5 - Eric and Shawn did a decent enough job, by the end of it.

Life Lesson: 1.0 - Poorly conveyed as it may be, it's at least legitimate. Don't get all pouty when shit doesn't go the way you planned. Spontaneity and adaptation are the keys to happiness in otherwise crappy situations.

1.65 out of 4.0 - Mostly a waste of time. About 70% of the episode is spent at either Turner's apartment or Cory's living room, and nothing interesting happens in either of those places. There's really not much to say about this one. And then if we compare it to the holiday episodes from the first two seasons, Turnaround in season 2 and Santa's Little Helper in season 1, this show had a pretty awesome track record. I don't know what happened here. They must have learned their lesson though. Seasons 4, 5, and 6 all go back to Christmas episodes.

Thanks for reading, see you Wednesday.

All images used under Fair Use.