Episode 3x03 "What I Meant To Say"

Cory and Topanga are playing pool in the back room at Chubbie's. He's puppeteering her to teach her how to shoot, but he sort of spazzes out and they make a big mess with the cue, including ripping up part of the felt (it's covering the orange ball on the left), which I'm pretty sure was unintentional based on how the actors nonchalantly try to cover it up afterward.

There is some very, very serious innuendo in what just happened. Look at that picture. Look at their faces. The writers must have done that on purpose, it's too perfect.

So next they fumble around at darts, Cory gives Topanga his denim jacket, and then he gets caught up on the moment and tells her he loves her. She makes a face like a deer in headlights and decides that it's time to leave. At school the next day, Cory tells the story to his best buddy Shawn. Shawn is not happy.

It looks like Shawn is talking there, but he's just making choking noises because his entire world has been shattered. According to Shawn, once word gets out about what Cory's done, every girl at school is going to want to hear it from their boyfriends. This idea is corroborated by Eric's reaction to the news.

Oh Will Friedle. You are so amazing. That's Eric's one-off girlfriend Christie, played by Anastasia Horne. The most noteworthy thing she's done since this role was playing "Preppy Bride" in some Renee Zellweger movie in '99. So... that should tell you what you need to know. So now Eric's gotta figure out how he's going to tell Christie that he loves her.

Later that day, Cory has somehow procured a bouquet of flowers for Topanga, but Shawn tackles Cory to prevent the exchange. Our vest-clad hero thinks Cory should wait for Topanga to come to him, and gives away Cory's flowers to some jock passing by.

Turner's pal Eli just finished an interview with Mr. Feeny to become the new Media Arts teacher at John Adams High, after accidentally stealing Feeny's coffee earlier that morning. We see Eli exiting from a door labeled "Principal's Office" at the end of this hallway near the telephone, which is usually where a bathroom is located. So the gym became stairs, the bathroom is Feeny's office, and Turner's classroom is simultaneously Feeny's classroom. Good. 

That's good. 

Eli's interview, however, was not very good.

I don't know why I didn't talk about it before, but Eli is played by Alex Désert, who's actually kind of a boss. He had a recurring role on Becker for its entire run, and he played MOTHAFUCKIN NICK FURY on the Avengers cartoon between 2010 and 2012. He voiced the character portrayed by Samuel L. Jackson. That's awesome. Hey Rider Strong, do YOU share a character with Samuel L. Jackson? YOU MAD, SON? 

So Eli and Turner go to Turner's classroom to talk things over and vent and Eli's backstory is revealed. He was a hard hitting investigative journalist, but got fired for his unwillingness to report on meaningless bullshit that most news stations like to show. Nice social commentary.

This is Turner's basis for claiming that Eli really deserves to get this job, to which he replies "Not after that session in hell with Mr. Mustache." WOAAAAAAAAAH WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE. I mean, obviously I don't give a single fuckin god damn about bull shit profanity, but that's edgy for ABC. 

Anyway Feeny shows up says Eli got the job and that he "starts on Monday". Wait what? Who's going to enroll in his class? We're like three or four weeks into the first semester. Whatever. I definitely don't have a problem with this character yet. I'm enjoying his screen time. Although, we are seeing very little of Alan so far this season. It's entirely possible that the showrunners decided to forego Alan's involvement in favor of Eli's and Turner's dynamics, in which case I agree with Rider that that was a bad idea. 

We jump to the cafeteria where Shawn says "Yes Cory, absolutely. When it comes to affairs of the heart, I am king".... in French... And we get one of the most peculiar lines in the whole series.

Where on earth did that come from? This is the only episode (past and future) where that's ever even hinted at. There's nothing wrong with it, it's a funny line and the randomness of it adds to that, but it's just... It's weird. It's bizarre. Right? Why did they include that? If anything, Eric is the idiot savant on this show. In the long time that I've been a fan of Boy Meets World, that line has always tickled the back of my mind. It's just odd.

Topanga comes up to Cory and straight dumps his ass and parts with a pity cheek kiss. That's something they do a lot on this show. The women in the Boy Meets World universe are very prone to pity cheek kisses, something I've never witnessed nor experienced. Maybe it's a New England thing. 

Anyway, Cory and Shawn go to Turner's class room to try to figure things out. I guess this is just where people go to talk about their problems today. Shawn needs more information, so he has Cory re-enact that night at Chubbie's with himself as the role of Topanga.

That might be the best "the main characters are gay" joke I've ever seen on television. Shawn handing off those flowers earlier seemed completely insignificant, but they brought it back on us brilliantly. The jock's face is absolutely priceless. And it's not insulting! How many gay jokes on sitcoms aren't insulting or derogatory these days? Modern Family does a good job, but that's about it. The point is, that was hysterical and I love it.

Turner brings Eli into the class to introduce him and be like "this is my best friend, don't be a dick to him." 

Eli tells the students about how the media is full of shit and that searching for truth is important. It's pretty inspired. I'd definitely sign up for his class after that.

At the Matthews house, Cory tells his mother that he "went to far with Topanga." She thinks they had sex, and they do a bit, and it's actually pretty funny. Eric comes home with Christie and we see just how whipped he's become since using the L word. 

Now Cory's at Chubbie's looking sad. Turner and Eli show up to grab some food because where else would they go. Eli ends up advising Sad Cory to go get the truth from Topanga, a la journalism, so he's sort of coming full circle in this episode. The writers are really trying to make us like Eli. This is definitely harder than they pressed Turner at the beginning of season 2. But like I've said, I'm okay with it so far. He's a great actor and is genuine and not stereotyped at all.

Finally, Cory climbs through Topanga's window at night because that's an okay thing to do. I'm actually not sure what set this is. It doesn't look like anything we've seen before, and it's pretty elaborate. Cory's like "what the fuck is going on" and Topanga's like "I was scared of these feelings since we're so young" and Cory claims that he's been in love with her since he was 6 and fuck the police. That is the most famous of Boy Meets World's many retcons, but we just have to live with it. Topanga says she loves him too and we're done.

It actually might just be Cory's room with different wallpaper. 

Okay so what was the point of this? Well Cory and Topanga are in love, and that's important. But what about Eric and Shawn? I think the theme of this one is just the general danger of saying "I love you". On the other hand, that's a fairly mature message, right, it's talking about the adult version of "I love you". High school kids say that to each other after dating for like a week, so the writers may have slightly over estimated their audience on this one.

Plot: 0.25 - Maybe I'm just too jaded to understand it, but "I'm scared of my feelings"? Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh....

Character Development: 1.0 - Eli moves on up, Cory and Topanga are in love.

Humor: 1.0 - Tons of good stuff from everybody, especially the part with the flowers. A few misfires too, but that's okay.

Life Lesson: 0.75 - It's important to know the consequences of telling someone you love them, but trying to tell that to adolescents is like yelling at a wall to convince it that it should be ice cream instead of a wall.

3.0 out of 4.0. Definitely worth watching just for the humor. Regarding the title of this episode, what did he mean to say?

Thanks for reading, see you on Monday.

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