Episode 3x05 "Hometown Hero"

It seems like the music over the title sequence is changing every episode. It's usually some type of jazz. I've decided to start reviewing that too. This time it was 7-P.M.-In-Vegas-So-It's-Not-Quite-Time-For-The-Good-Shows Opening Band With Just A Hint Of Daytime Talk Show.

Holycrapwe'reinchemistryclass. There's beakers and test tubes and spiral notebooks, this shit is legit. 

That's a pretty good opening shot! They threw that table in the foreground to make it look like this room is a lot more crowded than it is. Cool. Although, I'm not sure why Cory and Shawn are being so antisocial. And the lab coat on the teacher? Maybe it's tongue-in-cheek, I can't tell. Anyway, our boys have a lab report due by the end of the day, and they have done zero work. We get a short clip of the teacher, Dr. Sorrell, telling a jock that he doesn't have to turn in the lab report on account of having sports to play. So it's made pretty clear right away that this guy is a bastard, but if I had a PhD and ended up teaching some punk ass kids I'd be a little crabby too. This guy is one ex-student junkie away from Walter White.

In a truly unprecedented move, Cory and Shawn stay up really late that night to do their lab reports (off camera) and then break into the lab through the window to turn them in (on camera). Shawn's flashlight dies, so Cory finds some matches. If he can find matches, surely he can turn in a paper, but fine. Sitcom+matches? How many guesses do you need?

Shockingly, blowing air at the fire doesn't put it out, so they retreat back out the window. Cory quickly realizes the potential disaster of this situation.

So Cory hurries back inside to pull the fire alarm. The next morning, Janitor Bud confronts our heroes, saying that he knows what they did, and pulls Cory aside and into Turner's classroom. Here we are presented one of the most bullshitty things we've ever seen.

Mr. Turner and Eli are here too. So all these students, Feeny, Turner, and Eli were just waiting in this room while what? Janitor Bud goes to find the student he saw pull the fire alarm the night before, who happened to be standing right outside the classroom? We put up with a lot from this show. We do. And that's fine. It's television. But this is a little hard to swallow. Did Bud just round everybody up and say "hey sorry but I'm going to put your class on hold, everybody wait here for a minute"? Ugh.

So yeah, during the previous night's events, Janitor Bud was sleeping in his janitor closet, he woke up to the fire alarm, and saw Cory running down the hallway. Bud claims that Cory saved his life. Naturally everyone applauds Cory as a hero (oh hey, that's in the title of the episode, HOW FUCKIN COOL IS THAT) except Feeny, who's lookin pretty skeptical..

As you can see, being a hero has its perks. Dr. Sorrell comes around and gives Cory his lab report back, saying he got an A, even though the report has been mostly burnt away. This mirrors the special treatment given to the jock earlier. It's funny how every single person who plays sports on this show wears their letter jacket constantly. It's literally their only defining characteristic.

The scene fades out and then back in on a solitary Shawn. Topanga comes up and says "Shawn, there you are. We've gotta meet Cory."
"Where?" Shawn asks.
And then Ms. Topanga Lawrence takes two freshly sharpened, needle pointed Dixon Ticonderoga #2 graphite core pencils and skewers our eardrums with them as she answers:
"The rally in the caf'!"

THE RALLY IN THE CAF'!

THE RALLY IN THE CAFFFFFF

I feel like I need a shower.

So the RALLY IN THE CAF happens. Cory gives a speech and really starts hamming it up, milking the crowd and embellishing the fire alarm story. There's like twenty people in here, tops. Shawn is visibly unsettled by his best friend's transformation. Later that night, the same sort of thing happens at home.

They used caps lock on the banner, that's how you know they mean it. Reminds me of that birthday episode of The Office. Cory decides to lie to his parents while that "woah this has taken a turn for the worse" music plays.

At school the next day, Cory concedes that things are getting slightly out of hand, but explains that he doesn't want to go back to being same old Cory Matthews. We've apparently got cool-headed aloof Shawn for this episode, since he replies "What was wrong with him?" Well what the fuck is wrong with same old Shawn Hunter every time you decide to throw a hissy fit, hmmm? Two can play at that game!

Anyway Eli's used his contacts in the news business to get Cory's entire family a spot on the evening news to regale all of Philly with his heroic tale. Mr. Feeny is like "maybe you'll tell the whole story this time". It's pretty clear that he doesn't believe any of this crap.

You guys ever notice that Feeny's always doing something with his hands? Watch his hands while he's saying his lines. I always see Patrick Stewart doing it too, maybe it's an old-British-actor thing. *EDIT* William Daniels is not British and I should be ashamed of myself.

Cory decides to call one of those advice radio shows and explains that he's feeling scared and guilty. The advice person suggests he watch the news later that night for an inspiring story about brave Cory Matthews who saved his school. It's kind of a weird thing to just throw into the story here. Up in his bedroom, Cory banters with Eric and Shawn. Nothing particularly funny or interesting, just a bunch of wasted time since this episode has almost no content.

I swear, if Alan doesn't get to give some kind of awesome speech at the end of this, I'm going to have a very bleak outlook on the rest of the season. He's right here. It would totally make sense to let him have the lesson this time. Don't let me down, Boy Meets World.

It's about time to start the live broadcast in the Matthews' living room, and off to the side Shawn is stealing everything from the refreshments table.

This is certainly the funniest thing to happen in this episode. THEY WANT YOU TO TAKE THE ROLLS. It's all in his face. Rider Strong has such a handle on Shawn's character at this point, he's just like "yup, gotta steal this stuff." 

Cory wanders out to his backyard while his family waste time on the broadcast and finds Mr. Feeny. Ahhhhhh yes, here we are. Back where we belong. Alan didn't get the lesson, but a backyard moral from Feeny is just as good. 

Is it just me or is that a little unsatisfying? Before this, he also said that a firefighter can be a hero, and that a man who worked a dead end job to support his family for a couple decades was a hero as well. And that's all true, there's nothing wrong with what he's saying here, but... like... Everybody knows this stuff. Mr. Feeny usually gives us a gem of wisdom that he's been polishing for his entire life. Like I said, I agree with his definition of a hero, but it just doesn't feel like a Feeny-lesson. It feels like a fortune cookie.

So yeah, Cory admits to his parents that he started the fire. And they are genuinely incredulous that Cory started the fire. LET US REVIEW, MONSIEUR AND MADAME MATTHEWS. Cory sneaks out to the school in the middle of the night to turn in his paper. When asked earlier in the episode, he claimed to have been in the right place at the right time. AND HIS PARENTS BOUGHT THAT! This kid has a curfew! Are they seriously not more interested in why their son was out by the school in the middle of the night just before a fire started?! I can't believe for a second that Feeny is the only one with suspicions. Topanga isn't even suspicious. And what happens at school now? Apparently people know truth since Janitor Bud takes away Cory's locker opening contraption, but everyone else acts like they've already forgotten. Forgotten about breaking and entering and arson. Blech.

Plot: 0.5 - I'm being generous.

Character Development: 0.25 - Ultimately, Cory was glad to be back to "same old Cory Matthews". So he really didn't change at all. You could argue that he has higher self esteem now, but we all know he's going to forget it in a few episodes from now.

Humor: 0.5 - I'm being generous again. They gave a lot of punchlines to Eric, and most of them didn't land.

Life Lesson: 0.5 - I like Feeny's point about heroes, but it's just really weak in this context, like I explained earlier.

1.75 out of 4.0. I still feel like we're missing that Boy Meets World charm from season 2. There isn't anything to make this stand out from other teen-centered sitcoms. Nobody is using their fucking common sense in this episode. "Well that's TV." Fuck TV, this is Boy Meets World. I expect more, dammit. That's why I started writing this blog, because BMW is better than the rest of TV. And frankly, it's better than this episode.

Thanks for reading, see you Friday.