Episode 7x05 "You Light Up My Union"

This is another one of those non-canon episodes that involves some sort of magic, like the two time travel episodes. The magic in this one reverted Shawn and Cory's brains to those of twelve-year-olds. Now that's not explicit, but I mean, there's really no other explanation for this episode, right?

The girls appear to be having a movie night (the movies all have hilarious titles) at The Tnemtrapa when Cory and Shawn crash the party, leaving Rachel as a third (or fifth) wheel.

And by booty night, he means kissing for a while and then trying not to bump into anything with his erection while he walks home. ...night.

I was about to say we're at The Union, but indeed we are at a thinly disguised Union, masquerading as a full-fledged bookstore. Jack thanks Mister Feeny for getting him the position of manager at this store, since Feeny has somehow amassed that sort of power after working at the university for one year. Feeny explains that, since it's Jack's last year of college, it's good to get some real job experience. It's certainly possible to graduate in three years, but Jack? Hard to believe, but it's a plot device for the end of the series more than anything.

Eric's working here too, as assistant manager, thanks again to Mister Feeny. Jack assumes that Feeny's intention is to have Eric pick up on Jack's by-the-books, no-nonsense workplace tendencies, and we see Eric displaying his easy-going attitude with the customers. So there's more to him than being an idiot right now, but I think this episode will only add to the debate over Season 7 Eric.

Jack gives Eric a purse of money to go deposit at the bank. When Eric arrives, an old man with a monkey on his shoulder catches a glimpse of Eric's money, as well as his nametag, and turns on the sob story. The old man, apparently an organ grinder, needs exactly how much money Eric has to send for monkey-Eric's monkey-girlfriend, since monkey-Eric won't perform without her. And then, of course, Eric gives him the money.

I have a lot to say, and we all know how this ends, but I feel like I should wait until then to actually talk about it. So for now, let's just acknowledge that the organ grinder is heavily portrayed as a con artist and Eric looks like a sucker.

And now there's this.

Cory got a key to the Tnemtrapa from Topanga, so they've come to eat all the food they have. Because of the magic. They would never normally do this, so it must be that off-camera/implied magic. The only redeeming thing about this scene is that Shawn appears to be drinking a blue raspberry Jones soda, which is fucking delicious. So the boys have a list of food they want Rachel to buy/make for them, and they left the list in her underwear drawer, after rummaging through it out of perverted curiosity. Again, off-camera twelve-year-old magic. It has to be.

You all should know by now that I am far from old-fashioned, but absolutely no part of this is okay. Cory has well-established boundary issues, and he's extremely sexually frustrated, but this still isn't remotely close to believable. It's even worse for Shawn, just completely out of character. I can't begin to imagine how this story happened. To clarify, I'm not saying it's unacceptable for television, I'm saying it's total nonsense for these characters. Even Eric never did anything this creepy. Remember at the beginning of season 6 that all of Rachel's stories are founded on the fact that she's good looking? Well.... There you go.

She rightfully loses her shit and kicks them out, but Topanga and Angela have just arrived outside and bring the boys back in to sort things out. Rachel explains all the bull shit they boys did, and the girlfriends don't really care because "look how cute they are when they're guilty." I would have an aneurysm right now if I were Rachel. That's not a bad thing though, we're supposed to be furious. So except for the fact that Shawn and Cory would never do this, the writers have done a good job setting this up. Either way, it sounds like Rachel has a plan.

Meanwhile, Eric tells Jack what he did with the money.

There might be a conversation here about whether this is out of character for Jack, but I don't think so. He was just made the manager of a store and his assistant manager just gave $1700 to an organ grinder. Everyone in the world would react this way. As before, there's a lot to say about Eric here, but let's just leave it all for the end.

Also, apparently it was The Union in the first scene? It was definitely some angle we haven't seen before, I guess there's another cash register over in the book area corner? I don't know, whatever, the point is that Eric is working the register at Brew Lagoon in the next scene, and he's being mean to all the customers, including Feeny and Cory.

It's Jack's turn to go to the bank now. There, he witnesses a loan officer showing leniency to a troubled woman, only to be stomped on by his money-grubbing boss, analogous to Jack stomping on Eric. In one of the most awkward moments in the entire series, Jack butts in to this conversation and tells the loan officer not to "be like me." Look at it, it's overwhelmingly uncomfortable.

I have to keep pausing it after like two seconds, the second-hand awkwardness is crippling me. Jack gives the woman all the money he was going to deposit. I'M STILL PAUSING EVERY COUPLE SECONDS IT HURTS SO MUCH. Okay it's over now.

At The Tnemtrapa, the two couples are making out right next to each other, something I don't think I would ever want to do. Rachel prances out into the living room in some silky purple underwear, turns on some porno jazz on the stereo and starts bopping around while washing dishes. Naturally, Cory and Shawn's eyes are locked on da booty, pissing off Topanga and Angela.

I like this scene for more than just the obvious reason. It's a very well crafted revenge, and the viewer finds pure delight in the rage of Topanga and Angela as their boyfriends oggle another woman.

So the girls scream at their boyfriends and apologize to Rachel. A very satisfying ending, with Topanga and Angela both looking like chumps. And that's only satisfying because the writers made us so furious at them before. I just wish they could have come up with something a little more believable for Shawn and Cory to do. Off-camera magic. Twelve year olds. Etc.

Jack returns to The Union and attempts to resurrect the old Eric. He realizes that he wants to be more like Eric, rather than Eric being more like him, and tells as much to Feeny, who is of course seated nearby instead of teaching classes. Feeny explains that he wanted them both to influence each other, which for some reason wasn't possible with them LIVING together for three years. But ignoring that, I like what Feeny has to say. "It's not enough to leave school and just desire to succeed in this 'cold cruel world'. Because then you simply become a part of it. You must also have the desire to change it." That's some of that real shit, some of that high school Feeny. Wonderful.

Eric hasn't reverted yet, but the organ grinder Chubnomenons his way into The Union and pays Eric back. Apparently an organ grinder can make $1700 in a day and a half, which makes me wonder why I went to college.

Okay, now let's talk. I thoroughly respect and appreciate what they tried to do with Eric's story here. They had a great idea with a great resolution, and I would absolutely adore this episode if the execution weren't so damn stupid. The idea of Eric and Jack learning from each other is awesome! And having Feeny there to put the pieces together is perfect. But an organ grinder? At the bank? And Jack's act of charity is just painful to watch. I mean they're not exactly giving a guy a $20 outside the McDonald's, these are serious amounts of money that don't belong to them. That's not charity, it's basically embezzlement.

So how does this tie in to the Season 7 Eric debate? Well he was definitely an idiot to give $1700 to an organ grinder. But we also got to address his lofty spirit and kind heart, so I'd say this one looks a lot better than the last four as far as Eric is concerned.

Even though the whole point of this was for him to change a little bit.

The credits is just the logo and the music.

Plot: 0.25 - Almost worthless. A terrible shell for a great idea. And I like Rachel's revenge plot, but that one also had a frustrating setup.

Character Development: 0.75 - Jack and Eric both learn from each other (and from Feeny). On the other hand, this really conflicts with the Jack we saw in Santa's Little Helpers. We already know that he's more than capable of charity after that episode.

Humor: 0.5 - There aren't really any stand out moments. Eric was silly sometimes, Cory and Shawn were decent, even though their story was stupid.

Life Lesson: 1.0 - Here's where this episode came through. We haven't had a really solid lesson in a while. I love that Feeny quote I put near the end, really good stuff.

2.5 out of 4.0. The best episode of the first five, but still stuck in a weak story. By the end though, we find ourselves with a smile on our faces, and realize that we've almost entirely forgotten the bullshit that happened with Shawn and Cory.

Thanks for reading, see you Friday.

All images used under Fair Use.