Episode 7x02 "For Love and Apartments"

Sigh. I hope this review doesn't ruin your New Year's Eve.

Even though we ended the last episode with Shawn agreeing to go to Pittsburgh, we begin this episode with him not wanting to go anymore. I'll level with ya here Shawnie, I don't wanna go either. Topanga and Angela show up to "get the rest of [their] stuff," which presumably is in the room they lived in. It's needlessly antagonistic to just waltz into Cory's room like this.

Cory tries to cheer everyone up, but it doesn't work and Topanga takes it personally because she sucks. Then Angela, with absolutely no basis for saying it, looks at Shawn and goes "I just can't be in a relationship right now." Yeah, he knows, Angela, did you just come here to shove it in his face again? This is awful. Shawn resolves that he'll do anything to get Angela back, so the two boys head off to Pittsburgh.

Meanwhile, Eric and Jack are hanging out in what used to be Topangela's dorm. The girls never show up to get their stuff, so I don't understand what they were doing here in the first place. The boys have way too much to say about the Backstreet Boys poster on the wall, so they both decide it's time to leave. I 'on't care. Do you care? Here's a picture of a bunny.

We find Jack and Eric at Brew Lagoon asking Feeny for advice. He suggests they stand up to the "bullies", the three girls. And that's what they're gonna do. And I'm not looking forward to it.

Cory and Shawn have arrived in Pittsburgh and are preparing to start meddling. Shawn suggests that they first figure out why Mama and Papa Lawrence split up in the first place, a stunning display of insight- but Cory swats down that idea immediately because he doesn't think it matters. This is fucking ridiculous. At the very least, we get the first use of the phrase "Topangela" in the show.

So that's nice.

Jedediah Lawrence invites the boys in, though he doesn't seem happy to see Shawn for an as yet unexplained reason. He's played by a new actor, so this is the third incarnation of Jed that we've seen. He doesn't even have the same hair color, it's like they just picked the first guy who walked in to the audition. Cory is so super duper condescending in this scene, it makes me furious. He's explaining how he believes in love and love's purpose, and that Jed has "forgotten" how love works. "I'm eighteen and have had one long term girlfriend who I almost cheated on once so you better listen to me, buster."

It looks like Jed might be coming around, but then we learn that Rhiannon is the one who kicked him out. I guess the boys just sort of assumed it was the other way around. So we hop over to Rhiannon's place, and she's played by a new actress with a different hair color. Cory starts spitting his usual spiel, but it's not getting him anywhere.

Boom, done, case closed, can we all go home? Cory is insufferable right now. He's acting like it's impossible to fall out of love, even though that's exactly what happened with Rachel and Jack, and Cory didn't seem to care one lick about that.

Who could have possibly read this script and said "yeah this is fine let's put this on tv." Is it supposed to be endearing? Or cute or romantic? WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE THAT I'M NOT GETTING?

You know, I ate a can of Chunky soup about two hours ago, and I'm already hungry again. It's delicious but it goes right through me...

So Cory sort of fibs that Jed really wants to sit down and talk with Rhiannon, so she agrees to see him. At The Apartment, Eric and Jack demand the apartment back which is stupid since Jack willingly gave it up in the previous episode. Jack says that the girls are just bullies and that he's never backed down from a bully, EXCEPT WHEN HE BACKED DOWN AND GAVE THEM THE APARTMENT.

Topanga challenges the boys to a "steel cage match" for The Apartment. The boys decide that they're afraid of Topanga just because she crushes a soda can on her forehead.

As absurd as this situation is, that is probably one of Jack's funniest moments, just because he completely nails the timing, gesturing, and facial expressions. Doesn't matter though, since the professional wrestler Mankind breaks down the door to The Apartment and offers to be the referee.

.......Yup. Alright.

 So the fighting starts with Rachel taking a swing at Jack. I don't know why Rachel's fighting since she gets to live here regardless. Jack doesn't want to hurt Rachel, but she has no problem slamming his face into a plate of hamburgers a few times. Yeah you read that right. Rachel tags out to Angela, who also slams Jack into the table. Things aren't going very well.

This is pretty damn stupid, but Mankind has a funny voice, so that almost makes it enjoyable for me. Has any other sitcom featured professional wrestlers? We've had like twenty on Boy Meets World. It's weird. Whatever. The girls win. Also the door isn't broken anymore.

Jed shows up at Rhiannon's place, It looks like some Hollywood Magic might get these two back together, but thankfully Boy Meets World remembered that it's not supposed to be bull shit. We learn that Jed's in love with someone new, and even though he and Rhiannon reach a level of amiability here, they're still as divorced as ever.

Then all of this would happen.

Jokes aside, that line is pretty awesome. I talk about this every time it comes up, and we haven't had one in a while, but I love those moments of self awareness where someone (usually Cory) says that they don't know anything. I said in the past that it's a recurring theme, and as you can see, I wasn't making shit up.

At some point in the near future, we find everybody in a classroom a few minutes before class starts. Cory admits to Topanga that they went to see her parents, and of course her immediate reaction is to take personal offense and get angry at him.

FINALLY. Thank you, Shawn. Jeeeeeeeesus, it's about time.

Shawn explains that Cory did everything for her, and she cools down. Cory admits that "sometimes love just dies" and Topanga doesn't want to speak with him further. Taking their seats, Cory tells Shawn "Now it's over."

Well in all reality it should be over at this point. This is definitely new though, with Cory finally accepting it. That alone is enough to convince a first time viewer that this might actually be happening, which, if nothing else, makes a powerful statement about Cory's character.

During the credits, Mankind hangs out with Jack and Eric and I guess it's probably funny for people who follow wrestling.

Plot: 0.25 - The only reason I didn't give it zero is because Rhiannon and Jed didn't get back together. I would have given up on the series however many years ago if Cory had been successful.

Character Development: 0.5 - Cory believes that his relationship with Topanga is over. I would give it the full point if I didn't know that it's only temporary. And also the "What if we don't know anything?"

Humor: 0.5 - Mankind, Eric, and Jack were okay.

Life Lesson: 0.5 - Sometimes, love just dies.

1.75 out of 4.0. It had some redeeming qualities, but not nearly enough. The whole wrestling scene lasted wayyyyyy too long, it was obvious they were stretching for content. The whole thing is devoid of content, really. Cory is the most naive he has ever been, and it's almost painful to watch. It's certainly annoying and frustrating. And as I explained in the last review, the whole apartment situation is fucking ridiculous. I really want this arc to be over.

There's been a lot of talk in the comments about Season-7-Eric, and at this point I'm still undecided. He had to deal with stupid nonsense situations in this episode, so I don't think it's fair to judge yet.

Thanks for reading, see you in 2015.

All images used under Fair Use.