Episode 5x22 "Prom-ises Prom-ises"

Time for the senior prom. Both of our male leads are wearing tuxedos to cover their massive erections. They're speaking with ABC-acceptable-subtlety about how they're both hoping to have sex with their girlfriends after prom. Good work Boy Meets World, giving us a real and mature topic to explore. As a result, this episode was of course banned on Disney Channel. Cory explains that he and Topanga "made a chart" weighing the pros and cons of having sex, ending with a "maybe" from her, as long as everything goes exactly perfectly right. See that sounds more like Cory and Topanga, making a dorky little chart like that, not screaming over their interpretations of Van Gogh.

Joining us now are Cory's parents, and Alan immediately sniffs out what the boys were discussing. He drops a little warning about pregnancy and they go on their way. Which is cute since as soon as they boys leave, Amy informs her husband that she is pregnant. I don't think anybody saw THAT coming. Or maybe we just didn't want to.

We see Topangela having the same sort of conversation about sex, and they at least broach the possibility of sexing their respective boyfriends. For that alone you've gotta give this show credit. Female sexuality is almost non-existent on teen oriented shows of the 90s (and still today). Remember on Fresh Prince when Ashley decides not to sleep with Steve Urkel? My memory could be faulty, but I remember the audience cheering when she says she doesn't want to. Okay yeah I just found the episode, that's what happens.

Are you expecting the unexpected? Because that's what you're getting. This guy named Howie shows up at the door, ready to take Topanga to prom. There was apparently a misunderstanding during the time when Corpanga were split, and now we have a problem. Feeling guilty, Topanga lets Howie tag along with them to prom.

We're at prom now, and Jack and Eric are here. I guess they're chaperoning? Neither one remembers his own prom because they were both too busy making out with their dates. It's just barely not-preachy. It's close, but let's not dwell on it. Meanwhile on the dance floor, Topanga responds to Cory's advances by suggesting they get a hotel room (the prom is located at a big fancy hotel). This scene here where Cory tries to rent a room is extremely uncomfortable. He's nervous and awkward and doesn't want the hotel employee to think he's about to bang his girlfriend, saying things like "oh I'm just tired". So it drags on way too long and I don't think it's very funny at all, except for some of the receptionist's deadpan.

Eventually Cory gets his hotel room, and just then Amy and Alan show up at the desk looking for a room as well. I refuse to believe that any parents in the world would knowingly stay in the same hotel as their child's senior prom. This is so dumb, I'm actually angry that the writers decided to put it on paper. Mister and Missus agree to meet in the lounge and pretend they don't know each other, so we can already tell that this is about to devolve into "sitcom antics" reaaaaal quick.

Okay fine, I like this receptionist guy. If we're ranking one-off characters, it goes

1. Dancing Guy
2. Nunzio
3. Hotel Receptionist

Lauren would be up there, but she's not really a one-off. Hotel Receptionist is played by John Balma, who hasn't had any huge roles, but consistent minor ones since this. He's been on eight episodes of Parks and Rec as "Barney", who I don't remember at all... I'm gonna have to rewatch some of that.

Alright, time for the antics. In his excitement, Alan tells the woman next to him at the desk that he's going to be having a baby, and the woman gives him a congratulatory hug, which Eric sees from the background as adultery. Let me be clear. I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate these kinds of Flintstones Scooby Doo garbage ass scenarios.

Eric tells Jack about what he saw Alan doing.

I don't know how that's related to Alan having an affair, but Jack moves over to the exit to stop couples from going up to hotel rooms. It's pretty damn ridiculous, and Mister Feeny commends this behavior. From what we've seen of Feeny, I'd bet dollars to donuts that he was rockin' the bedroom way before his senior prom. Don't be a hypocrite, Feeny.

Cory reaches his hotel room and realizes that he forgot to bring Topanga. Is that supposed to be funny or are they just wasting time? Back down at the dance, Feeny announces prom king and queen. To no one's surprise, Cory and Topanga are the winners. How do we feel about this? Everyone at the school certainly knows that they're a long term couple, but I still wouldn't say they're popular. Cory has exactly one friend. Now there's nothing wrong with that, of course, it's just not conducive to becoming prom king.

So Cory spirits his girlfriend away, up to the hotel room, and Jack is unable to stop them. Cory and Topanga begin passionately kissing, and Topanga starts taking off Cory's suit. Way to go Topanga. Way to go writing staff. This is the man she loves after all!

Meanwhile Eric bribes Hotel Receptionist for the room number of "Mister Matthews," and he just ends up interrupting Cory and Topanga instead of his father. More Flintstones humor. Eric returns to Hotel Receptionist and tries to bribe him again, but he's looking for a bit more money this time.

That's it, I'm done. That's the best joke in the show. I don't need to go any further. Oh my god, I can't stop laughing. "And a mystery bag..." That is pure, unfiltered Eric right there. Perfection.

Back at the room, they get interrupted by Howie and then Topanga accidentally stabs Cory in the eye with her thumb. She sends him out to get ice for his eye, as well as some sodas, and now it's time for the EPITOME of Flintstones humor. Cory sets his card key on top of the ice container fridge thing, gets his ice, and walks off to find a soda machine without his card key. Now Alan comes out of his hotel room, which is of course right next door to Cory's, sets his own key next to Cory's, gets ice, and walks back with Cory's key. He tries to open his own door, then tries Cory's door and makes his way in to find a horrified Topanga. Now Cory grabs Alan's key and finds his mother. I wouldn't be surprised if they all started slipping on banana peels and telling knock knock jokes.

It's so thoroughly anti-funny that it ruins the episode for me. God, and we just had the mystery bag too. This switcheroo scene is all I can think of when it comes to this episode, so it never seems worth watching. But we were doing great up to that point.

Now Eric shows up, still under the impression that his father is having an affair.

Yes, there's the great culmination of all the contrived nonsense of this episode. That punchline is what we've worked so hard for. I'll admit that it made me laugh, but mostly because Will Friedle's delivery is so perfect.

The party's all here now as Cory and Amy emerge from the other room, and they announce to everyone that they're having another baby. This in-your-face unplanned pregnancy leads Corpanga to decide not to have sex after all, which is kind of.. ugh.. but at the same time it reaaaaaaally doesn't seem like Cory brought a condom. Not once at any point in this episode does ANYONE so much as mention any sort of contraception. That in itself is pretty disappointing. So they head back down to the dance.

Let's talk about what went right. Similar to the drinking episode, our heroes weren't preached to, or scolded, or commanded, they reached the decision together on their own. I can't tell you how glad I am that it wasn't some fragile girl throwing on the brakes under the pressure of a horny out of control male. That's what most shows do, and all that does is perpetuate the toxic idea that sex is something men do to women, rather than the healthy truth that it's something they both do together. (Or men and men, or women and women.) Boy Meets World went with the healthy truth. And so this episode got banned from Disney Channel. Fight the power.

What we have to understand is that there's no way in the universe they could ever air this episode if Topanga and Cory actually have sex (off camera, obviously). There's just no way. So with that in mind, I'm pretty happy with everything that happened, except for the glaring flaw that no one ever mentioned using a condom.

During the credits, Shawn asks Cory what happened, and Cory and Topanga give him this look like "you know what happened" which is a little... weird... Like, it really looks like they're saying "yeah we did it", which would be fine, but just based on what we saw they almost certainly did not. Unless it happened in the elevator on the way down. I don't get it.

Plot: 0.75 - I liked the first 75% of it, but then the god damn Flintstones shenanigans started and I could barely watch.

Character Development: 1.0 - A "nice girl" who wants to have sex. Thank you Michael Jacobs, for not taking the easy way out, for daring to tell the truth.

Humor: 1.0 - The BS at the end was annoying, but the fuckin MYSTERY BAG. Oh man, I'm still laughing. Wayyyyyyy too funny.

Life Lesson: 0.5 - Ehhhh I don't know, this one's hard to score. It almost seems like Alan was saying "don't have sex unless you're okay with a pregnancy", which I think is silly, but at the same time they were showing us not to be afraid of being intimate with someone you care about. WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY MENTION CONDOMSSSSSSSSSS. OR THE PILLLLL OR ANYTHINGGGGGG.

3.25 out of 4.0. I've been pretty thorough with my analysis so far, so there's not much left to say. It's a good episode, Hotel Receptionist is awesome, but you might as well turn it off when Cory leaves to get ice. What was the point of Howie? I thought he might actually impact the story but he was just a gag character. And not a very good one.