Episode 5x16 "Torn Between Two Lovers (Feeling Like a Fool)"

The beginning is basically just Cory and Shawn recapping everything from the Lauren arc so far. What's new, though, is that Cory has taken the position that he's done nothing wrong, that he "sat on a couch and talked to a girl", which I agree with. It's unfortunate that he lacked that presence of mind back in 5x14 when this all started. It's honestly an improvement though, he's usually a huge mess whenever something goes wrong with Topanga, but today he's standing his ground, showing a little backbone. As always, they've pulled Shawn's personality out of a hat.

Yes, today Shawn will possibly want to be like Cory and Topanga. Sometimes he absolutely does, sometimes he wants to start his own thing with Angela, it's hard to keep track.

So Shawn clearly wants to reunite Cory and Topanga. He schemes to get both of them to Chubbie's after school, telling them both individually how perfect the other person is. Topanga takes slightly more convincing than Cory, though.

WHO'S FIRST?
I DON'T KNOW!
NO, HE'S THIRD!

Abbott and Costello? Right? Anyway...

In theory, this is a sweet gesture, relinquishing the role of Cory's most-important-person, but we the analytical viewers know that it is simply not true. It works, though, and she agrees to meet Cory at Chubbie's.

Our heroes are now waiting for Topanga to arrive for this meeting, but Lauren shows up instead. The uninitiated may question her ability to find Cory here, but we know that this is literally the only place he could be. I'm sure their all-night conversation in 5x14 included something like "Yeah, it's called Chubbie's, it's the only place I've been in the last four years. If you need to randomly show up, that's the place to do it."

Cory tries to politely get rid of Lauren before Topanga arrives, but this is Chubbie's! Everyone always arrives! Toblahblah is ready to storm out after seeing Lauren. She tells Cory to take some time and figure out if he wants Lauren or not. Let me be clear. Cory doesn't want to, it's not his idea, Topanga is insisting that he stay and talk things through with Lauren.

In The Backyard, we learn that Feeny has a scheduling conflict with his "citizenship class", where immigrants are studying to gain their citizenship. He asks Eric to simply proctor their practice exams, handing out the tests and pencils, and collecting them afterward.

It's been far too long, Feenric. It's good to be home :')

We cut to the class and Eric immediately has all the students rip up their practice exams. The scene fades out on what appears to be Eric starting to do card tricks. Is Eric back to his old screw-uppy ways!? Probably not, but we can still enjoy the ride.

At home, Cory, his parents, and Shawn are all talking about the Lauren situation in the kitchen. Amy and Alan believe that Cory owes it to everyone involved to see Lauren again. Especially since Topanga's okay with it. Amy and Alan have a great showing here, which is always a treat. Lauren arrives to pick up Cory for their date, and she handles the situation with mastery. You would expect some awkwardness here, but she defuses it entirely. Further evidence of how cool she is.

The moment in that gif has really stuck with me over the years. I'm not sure why, it's just... wow, this show is real as hell.

We jump over to Cory and Lauren having a picnic on a pile of dirt that we're supposed to think is a park. As always, the chemistry is blatant, they're having a great time and so am I. It starts raining, though, so Lauren tucks Cory into her jacket.

The whole scene is overwhelmingly adorable, and leaves us with a feeling that this could actually turn into something.

Cory shows up at The Apartment, announcing that he had a good time with Lauren. Shawn decides to weigh both girls against each other to see which one Cory likes more. When it comes to honesty, Cory claims that Topanga is the most honest person he knows, which is not true, she has a history of fibs on this show. Besides, Mister Feeny is the most honest person he knows. The next question is essentially about sex appeal, boobs and butts and curvity curves, in as explicit detail as the censor would allow. It's hysterical, and in my mind one of those classic moments. At the end of the day, you gotta love Cory and Shawn.

At the end of Cory's day, though, he loves Topanga. Not Lauren.

And I guess that's really what it boils down to. As much as we think Lauren is the better catch, would you really leave someone you love with all your heart for a girl you've had two dates with who doesn't even live near you? They still could have made that story work though, if Topanga had just felt too betrayed and ended the relationship, and then just write her out of the show. Oh well. Shawn looks pretty pleased with Cory's decision.

Back at the citizenship class, Eric seems to have spun things out of control, and Mister Feeny arrives on the scene.

Turns out, Eric actually did a great job teaching the material to the class, albeit with unorthodox methods. It's hard to explain, you have to just see it, but it's really sweet and genuine (and hilarious). Feeny and Eric, back together. Never fails!

At Chubbie's (of course) Cory tells Topanga what he's learned from his date with Lauren. Direct quote here, "I don't have to be afraid of what I feel about anybody else because I know  that it could never take away from loving you." Obviously we all like Lauren, but if we accept the notion that Cory is in love with Topanga, which we should at this point, then this is a satisfying conclusion for him to reach. If they'd done some kind of "I didn't feel anything for her!" thing, it would have been disingenuous, so I really like the way they've written this.

Doesn't matter though! Topanga wants to break up. "I forgive you for lying at the lodge, I forgive you for kissing her, and I forgive you for the letter. ... But that you needed to see her to test how you felt about me, I don't forgive you for that."

That's a really memorable moment right there, very emotional stuff from Ben Savage. Which is why I said to remember earlier, when Topanga insists that he goes out with Lauren when he didn't really want to. Topanga's only response now is "And you listened," and then she walks out. That is a LOAD of bull shit. I have always hated this part, I just can't justify Topanga's behavior at all. I recognize how hard it must have been to forgive Cory for all that stuff, so brownie points there, but the rest of this just makes no sense. She told him to go. He wasn't testing his feelings for Topanga, he was testing his feelings for Lauren, exactly what Topanga told him to do. I don't like it.

During the credits, we see the citizenship class all passing their exam and becoming citizens while Eric and Feeny look on from the sidelines.

FORGET EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS EPISODE. THAT WAS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. TEN OUT OF TEN. ERIC AND FEENY SHOW. FEENY AND ERIC. Oh my goodness, if that scene doesn't make you tear up...

Plot: 1.0 - Eric had his first experience as a teacher with Feeny bearing witness. Perfect.

Character Development: 1.0 - Eric.

Humor: 1.0 - Eric and Feeny.

Life Lesson: 1.0 - Feeny and Eric.

4.0 out of 4.0, if we're looking solely at Eric's story. Absolutely perfect. If we throw in the rest of the episode, ehh it's like a 3, but who cares. It's like Whose Line. The points don't matter. Lauren is gone, and Topanga broke up with Cory for some weird reasons. The thing is, she had a few good reasons to break up with him, but we got this instead. I honestly don't care at all because of how good this Eric ending was.

Thanks for reading, see you Monday.

All images used under Fair Use.