Episode 4x03 "I Ain't Gonna Spray Lettuce No More"

I just watched The Wolf of Wall Street. Frankie the Enforcer had a supporting role in that movie, which is awesome. Right next to Jonah Hill and Leo fuckin DiCaprio. Good for him.

Our boy Eric's down in the dumps after getting passed over for a job at The Gap. He says a few odd things about how "I'm Gap", which must be a reference to some ad campaign they ran in the 90s. I don't get it. Apparently Eric was underqualified, and he claims that a monkey could do that job.

I'm glad that people don't try to wear T shirts with sweater vests anymore. It's like, the mullet of shirt combinations. Put a polo under there, fine, but a t shirt? 

Alan is also down in the dumps. He doesn't like his job or his salary, and is determined to ask his boss for a raise. We jump ahead to that evening when Alan returns home. His boss did indeed offer him a raise of $5000 a year. Alan's response was to quit. Wuh oh.

Cory starts freaking out about being poor, Eric is a little shellshocked, Morgan isn't important enough to have lines, and Amy is pissed that her husband would make such a huge decision without talking to her first. Alan's big plan is to go into business for himself, and hire Eric, killing two birds with one nepotistic stone.

This is the second episode in a row we've had Cory wearing a polo with his pants up to his belly button, I'm not sure why they're intentionally making him look ridiculous, but it's happening.

Amy's final solution is to keep a family-changing, huge decision in her back pocket, and use it whenever she wants, in the spirit of the equal-partnership of marriage. At school, Cory recruits Shawn to teach him how to be poor. Eric arrives on campus to talk to Mr. Feeny, and the writers have not missed a BEAT. We haven't seen this pair yet this season, but it's as wonderful as ever. Perfect chemistry, hilarious dialogue.

Eric had originally scheduled to talk to Feeny about getting a tutoring gig, but has instead informed his old mentor that he'll be forsaking that pursuit in favor of working for his father. Indeed, Eric and Alan are set to attend a thing with a long name that I don't wanna type that's some sort of workshop for starting your own business.

That's where we are in the next scene, and all the tables set up at this workshop are dumb. We get a long pitch from the guy behind Poo-pourri, it's pretty funny, but our heroes aren't interested. At home, we learn that Eric's got his heart set on opening an Agner's House of Strudel, as he pitches the idea to his mother. 

I've been saying for a while that Cory shines brightest in a supporting-comedy role, and that definitely holds true here. Regardless of whether the plot is centered on Shawn or Eric, Cory is always at his funniest giving commentary on the goings-on of that main character, like we've been seeing in this episode.

Alan, in contrast with his oldest son, wants to open his own Rapid Mart. Amy recognizes that this is the easy way out, and that her husband won't actually be happy doing something he hates, even though he defends himself by saying that he will enjoy being his own boss. What intrigue! Maybe he is going to Spray Lettuce No More.... Some More... More..? This is why double negatives are frowned upon, they're hard to work with. Ultimately, Amy doesn't support his decision to start a Rapid Mart. The two talk outside later, and it's pretty good stuff. Amy knows that this Rapid Mart won't actually make him happy, and she can only support what makes him happy. But our favorite dad is stuck, torn between his responsibility to his family and his desire to make something out of himself.

This is easily the most realistic and thorough mid-life crisis I've seen on television, and they even set the groundwork for it back in the season opener. And this is one of Amy's better showings. She's usually kinda boring, but it's awesome to see her really push her husband to not take the easy way out. In that way, she's sort of Alan's Feeny. Also I'm assuming Amy is still working her... art gallery job? Real estate job? She's had both in the past, I don't remember which is more recent. They just completely neglect to even mention whether she's employed or not, which is weird.

In the next scene, Cory has followed Shawn's plan to be experimented on to make money. The location? I think that should be fairly obvious.

I mean where the fuck else is it gonna be? Chubbie's? 

Well yeah, actually, that would be my next guess.

Topanga doesn't approve, but the boys go through with it anyway. They're going to be testing some new shampoo, which is ultimately brought in by a guy in a hazmat suit. He drops the beaker, alarms go off, the scientists bail the fuck outta there, it's pretty funny.

Apparently Eric and Alan went on a camping trip to clear their heads of all this job stuff, and have come back fully refreshed. Evidently they had an excellent time. The pair are regaling Mr. Feeny with the tale in their shared backyard, and Amy joins the gang as well. Mr. Matthews comments that he'd like to bring her along next time he goes camping, and Feeny suggests they pick up a two-person sleeping bag from a specific camping store, I think the name he says is Kimball's.

I love this show. There's at least one instance per season of Feeny implying that he's swimming in ass. Next time he's at Kimball's he needs to buy a god damn snorkel. Anyway, Alan mentions that Kimball's is one of his favorite stores, and he'll definitely stop by.

Now we're at Chubbie's where a broken Cory has purchased a hamburger. Shawn arrives, because that's what people do at Chubbie's, they arrive, and is appalled by Cory's lack of frugality. Cory starts crying and saying it's his parents' fault, that sort of thing, it's pretty funny and you can see Rider Strong trying not to laugh. In the end, Cory earns his best friend's forgiveness by offering half of his hamburger. I guess that's the end of that arc, and it was awesome.

The Matthews family is at Kimball's now, and Eric and Alan incidentally demonstrate to the owner that they know their shit when it comes to camping. Amy talks with the owner, Kimball himself, and learns that the store is up for sale (Kimball is getting on in years). In fact, he was just telling that to his buddy, George Feeny. Oh Feens. Feenerson. Always lookin out for those Matthews boys, all three of em. 

Amy decides to play her "crazy decision without consulting anyone" card, and buys the store for her husband. He's apprehensive at first, but realizes what a great opportunity this is.

Your first instinct is probably to write this off as Hollywood-Magic, but Alan did put out a good deal of effort looking for the right job, and they only found this one because of Feeny, so I'm totally fine with it.

During the credits, Feeny enters the shop as Alan, Eric, and Kimball are sorting out some logistics. Eric pulls Feeny aside for a private tête-à-tête. He's worried that he'll ruin everything since he knows nothing about business and pleads for help from his mentor. 

Feeny suggests a more general, complete education than simply addressing today's particular problem of dealing with some accounting books, and he ultimately agrees to help Eric learn the basics. What a swell guy.

Plot: 1.0 - A lovely mid-life crisis that we were totally prepared for after episode 4x01, Eric's still searching for his place, and Cory's Adventure In Poverty with his best buddy was a ton of fun.

Character Development: 1.0 - Amy and Alan both had some splendid characterization in this episode, and again, Eric's taking a few more steps toward his future.

Humor: 1.0 - Hilarious from start to finish. Everyone had great jokes, except Morgan, but she wasn't anti-funny either, and that's about all you can hope for.

Life Lesson: 1.0 - First of all, it's never too late to find happiness. Alan put in the work and ended up in a job he's really excited about. It wasn't free, he had to struggle before he found it, and I appreciate that. In the end, I guess he did get kind of lucky, but whatever. He didn't want to settle, and that's the main takeaway. Also, the Feeny quote in that last gif up there.

4.0 out of 4.0. This episode kicks ass for a hundred different reasons. That should be apparent by now. I love this episode, and I love that they thought Alan deserved this attention. This is a classic, I will never get tired of this one.

Thanks for reading, see you Monday.

All images used under Fair Use.