Episode 4x02 "Hair Today, Goon Tomorrow"

Eric and Cory wake up in the morning and the status quo is accurately depicted below.

Yes, Cory has reached the phase of teenagerhood where he hates what he looks like, and who can blame him. Contrast this with the studly ass perfect-camera-angle-holy-shit-those-bangs Eric beside him. And honestly, I can't blame him. He's lookin like a big ol goofygoof right now, so the makeup crew or lighting crew or whoever are doing their job.

At school, everybody's fixing their hair in their locker-mirrors, except Topanga, who doesn't need to exert effort to look nice. As such, some guy tries to hit on her and then gives her his "card", which, I dunno, there's just no way people actually do that, but what do I know.

Cory's not doin himself any favors with his pants up to his nips like that.

Topanga starts doin that "it's what's inside that matters" self righteous crap, and Cory points out that it's real easy to think that way when you're naturally good looking. THIS IS THAT REAL SHIT. Every other show is gonna end on "looks don't matter", but Cory knows what the fuck is up, and he calls Topanga out. To try to prove her point, Topanga pulls out a pair of scissors and cuts off a big chunk of her hair, but she quickly freaks out.

Cory chases his girlfriend into the girls' bathroom, where the roles are reversed. Cory is now preaching that looks don't matter while Topanga has begun to have self esteem issues. There's really not much to say, it's basically the same conversation they had in the hallway.

I don't think I've ever heard "goosey goosey" outside of this scene, but it sounds funny. Let's all make "goosey goosey" a thing. Then Topanga heads off, promising to go to a beauty parlor. Shawn emerges from that left stall there and he and Cory hang out on the couch.

At home, Eric continues to steal the show. He's been lounging around the house in a bathrobe all day, eating breakfast cereal and watching cop shows. As such, he's invented a concept for his own cop show, "Eric Matthews, Good Looking Detective", and a theme song to go with it. This scene is hysterical.  will never stop loving this scene. It's everything that Eric is. Will Friedle has perfectly mastered this character. His mother insists that he get out of the house, and suggests he find a date, since he used to go on dates all the time.

Now we're at a beauty parlor where Topanga's getting her hair all sorted out, and our heroes are worried. If Topanga was a looker with her natural hair, what sort of dark magic will she be capable of with the help of a professional stylist? She does indeed come out looking pretty stellar, stellar enough for Shawn to try asking her out. Topanga decides to go to the mall with her recently upgraded hotness, leaving Cory to interrogate Topanga's stylist. It's like a two minute bit whose entire basis for humor is the fact that the stylist switches from a fake Italian accent to his actual Boston accent, and I ain't laughin. The dialogue between Cory and Shawn leading up to this was fantastic, A+ stuff, but this crap with the stylist is just a total misfire. It doesn't even contribute to the story.

Yeah I ran that through Google Translate and it didn't come up with anything, so I'm not too sure what she's tryin to say there.

Over at Chubbie's, Eric has heeded the advice of his mother and is currently on a date. His date looks like a... doll...? I don't know. It's something, there's something unsettling about it. Maybe her hair just doesn't match her face? Either her hair or face on its own would be fine, but together they're not working out.

Anyway, they talk about how Eric thinks he's seen it all, what with his internship and cross-country traveling, and being eighteen years old. But this girl is estranged from her parents and works double shifts at the Dairy Queen to support her two year old son. You aren't in Pottstown anymore, Eric. And so our boy realizes that he's extremely fortunate to still have the support of his parents and to not have any real responsibilities. So once again we're building more of Eric's character as he learns where he really stands in society. It's one thing to hear Mr. Feeny tell you over and over that you have potential, but it's much more impactful to sit here at Chubbie's and be like "oh shit, I don't have any kids, and my parents are letting me live at home for free, I have so many options open to me right now."

In Turner's class, the man himself is passing out copies of The Elephant Man to the class, and explaining what it's about. This is one of those fabled literature tie-ins, even if it's half-jokingly tied in: Cory obviously isn't horribly disfigured, but he's feeling pretty insecure. So that's fun. Feeny interrupts class to remind everyone that picture day is on Friday.

Cory pays a visit to that same stylist who worked on Topanga and the audience laughs at his accent again. Cory drops 75 fucking dollars to become beautiful or whatever.

At home, Eric's mumbling his cop show theme song into a bowl of cocoa puffs. He's feeling even worse than before due to that new layer of "I'm relying completely on my parents". But good old Alan Matthews kicks him into high gear.

Topanga is checking her hair and makeup in that same girls' bathroom at school, and Shawn emerges from a stall once again. Topanga defends her actions, claiming that everyone in high school is obsessed with how they look, but Shawn points out that she never cared before a few days ago. It's kinda bull shitty, but Topanga realizes that this isn't who she wants to be and dunks her hair under the faucet.

It doesn't really address Cory's concerns from the beginning of the episode. It's real easy for Topanga to decide not to worry about her appearance when she's good looking regardless. Shawn obviously isn't going to stop worrying about his hair, so what are they trying to tell us? I think the point is that obsessing over your appearance is normal, and it's okay and you shouldn't feel bad about it, but maybe still aspire to rise above it? It's not completely clear to me what we're supposed to take away. It's a shame because I praised them earlier in the review for being so real, but this is pretty standard stuff.

Topanga rushes to the beauty parlor where Cory's just finished receiving his makeover, and the joke is that he looks exactly the same.

During the credits, we see Eric's fully produced crime show theme song. This entire Good Looking Detective gag is honestly one of my favorites in the whole series, probably top 5. It's so campy and tongue-in-cheek, I absolutely love it. You can find this entire clip here, and I suggest that you do. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcKXFwOpD7Q

Plot: 0.5 - It wasn't bad, but honestly what even happened? An impromptu haircut in the hallway, and then two haircuts at a salon. 

Character Development: 1.0 - Topanga sort of changed, but then changed back? And I guess Cory isn't going to be insecure about his appearance anymore, so that's good.

Humor: 1.0 - 'CAUSE HE'S THE GOOD LOOKIN GUY. GOOD LOOKIN GUY.

Life Lesson: 0.5 - Like I said, it's too conflicting. Everything Cory said at the beginning is still true, and they didn't even touch on the fact that everyone is too busy worrying about themselves to notice other people's imperfections, and that's some really good advice that I would have expected from Boy Meets World. This one kinda dropped the ball.

3.0 out of 4.0. It's a really funny episode. REALLY funny. Except for the stupid accent stylist guy. Fuck that guy. Who wrote that crap.

Thanks for reading, see you Friday.

All images used under Fair Use.