Episode 1x03 "Father Knows Less"

This episode opens with Cory and his father preparing some manly-ass bag-lunches for their afternoon of watching the Navy's Blue Angels "do formations".

That sounds rad, but they didn't invite me. Morgan tries to invite herself, but is unsuccessful, thank goodness. Eric mentions that he gave some girl named Heather a hickey, presumably the same Heather he went out with in the first episode. It's never very well established whether or not Season-One-Eric is good with women. Sometimes he cries over train-wreck dates, other times he thinks he's the wet dream of every woman on Earth.
...Honestly that sounds a lot like me... I need to take five...

Anyway the doorbell rings and we meet a new character! Leonard Spinelli, second in command at the grocery store owned by Mr. Matthews. Lenny is played by Willie Garson, a fantastic actor who deserves a quick tangent. Garson landed a recurring role on Sex and the City in 1998, five years after this episode aired, which lasted until 2004. Then in 2009 he began his current role as Mozzie on the best cop show to ever air on television, White Collar. (If I were to start a second review blog, it would be for White Collar. Damn good show.)

As you can see, Mr. Garson ages backward. This is an age gap of at least 16 years, folks. Fuck it, I'm awarding this episode the "Willie Garson is Awesome" Bonus Badge.

Lenny brought bad news to our heroes, unfortunately, so Cory's dad has to bail on their plans and go clean up some lame ass mess at the grocery store. I smell guilt-induced irresponsibility! 

After the opening credits, it's late at night and Mr. Matthews (who I will call Alan from now on, since we've heard his name at least once) wakes Cory up to come watch the Phillies try to pull off a no-hitter. The two men bond and the audience goes "awww". The next day Mr. Feeny gives an exam, and I like how this scene starts so I'm going to try putting a video clip in here.

 

That's right boys and girls, Minkus is still a boss. Cory did not fare quite so well as our boy Minkus, however; he fell asleep after answering only one question. Cory and Feeny exchange some quips about Cory's failing grade and we're back at the Matthews house. Honestly this whole plot is pretty cookie-cutter, it's been in every show since the invention of the laugh track, and Boy Meets World hasn't done anything special with it. Aside from a few laughs and Minkus's badassery, I'm pretty bored so far. 

Cory spills the beans to his mom, whose name is Amy. Now Alan is in the doghouse and tries to sort things out with Mr. Feeny. 

Mr. Feeny, the crotchety curmudgeon (or "butt", according to Cory) that he is, won't allow Cory to retake the test. Alan quite harshly points out that Feeny has never had children and therefore cannot fully understand this situation, prompting Feeny to end the conversation. Here's the clip:

Alan was genuinely trying to hurt Mr. Feeny when he said that. It was a low blow, but also very  human. Television father figures are generally shining role models and beacons of wisdom, but we see here that Alan is flawed. Not only does this scene add depth to his character, it also provides room for growth. Mr. Feeny also gains depth here as this is the first time we're told that he's never had children, and he's visibly affected by Alan's criticism. This exchange is the highlight of this episode so far, and it deserves a Character Development Badge. 

Alan talks the situation over with his wife and realizes that he should be angry at himself rather than at Feeny. Shocking. Alan attempts to explain this revelation to Cory, but Cory doesn't really understand since he's 11. Yawn, yawn, snore, boring. 

It's night time now, and Cory incidentally meets up with Mr. Feeny in their shared backyard. Feeny starts to tell the story of a similar situation he went through as a kid, underscoring this episode's worn out theme about the value of educa-

HOLD THE GOD DAMN PHONE.

Wait wait wait wait wait wait. Excuse me? What? What did you just say, George Feeny? Just watch this.

"I have no idea what you learned that day."

"Neither do I."

Did you HEAR that shit?! That is genuine, meaningful wisdom! And the part about education being the result of absorption over time... Are you guys freaking out as hard as I am? I did NOT see this coming. The writers could have very easily decided to pander to the "school is God" mentality pervasive in television shows of the 90's, but they didn't. They chose to give us a message that actually matters. 

LIFE. LESSON. BADGE.

The episode is pretty much over now. Feeny and Alan make up in a pretty touching way, and Cory goes to bed. Eric isn't there, which is weird, maybe he's off sucking Heather's neck again.

0 points for plot, maybe like 0.25 points for humor, 1 point for character development, and infinitely many points for the life lesson. That's a Character Development Badge, a "Willie Garson is Awesome" Bonus Badge, and a Life Lesson Badge with some exciting red lines around it because holy shit.

I wasn't feeling good about this review at first, but wow. What a finish. 

Enjoy your weekend, Happy Halloween, see you Monday, and thanks for reading.

All clips used under Fair Use for the sole purpose of review.