Episode 3x17 "The Pink Flamingo Kid"

I've been putting this one off because I remember it specifically as being terrible. Like, one of the lowest lows of the series. But I guess it's time. Time for a test of my willpower. 

So Cory's got a camera and he shows up at Turner's place, and Shawn's on the phone with his dad since it's his dad's birthday. No sign of ol Chet Hunter's return yet, and Shawn's a little broken up about it. They resolve to go to Shawn's old trailer park and film him and his relatives as a birthday gift/general update for Chet.

I don't think that's particularly funny, but if you do, congratulations: that's every punchline for the first half of this episode.

Maybe 30 seconds later, we're at school and Shawn's already made another joke about his family being criminals. Eli comes along and informs Cory of some contest at a news station, but the deadline for submissions is two days. Could this conflict with his commitment to Shawn? Gollypops. What a compelling story. The Ericlogue begins. Eric's hauling some junk to Feeny's office for no reason, apparently Feeny's going to be auctioning off some stuff from his attic. Why the hell does he need to bring it to school? Because it's convenient for the production crew, that's why.

We're at the trailer park now, and we first meet Shawn's uncle Mike, who is shockingly both a character we've met before, and is played by the same actor. Don't get used to that. They make a few jokes about how he's a criminal. Uncle Mike calls out the rest of the Hunters, and they make a joke about how they're criminals.

After like 8 more jokes about how literally everyone in the Hunter family is a criminal, Cory ends up filming this.

Special Boy Meets World Fan Challenge: Why are they all hidden? I suggest you watch the episode because there's no way anything I've said so far will direct you to the answer.

Uncle Mike steals Cory's wallet, and then we meed Eddie, some sort of gang leader, but he's certainly lacking the class and relative charm of Harley Keiner. He gives the boys a hard time about not including him in their video, and tells them to get the fuck out before he starts to do gang leader things to them.

At home, Eric has cleaned out his own attic in hopes of finding something of value, like Mr. Feeny did. I think this would be funny under different circumstances, but I'm pretty numb to the idea of humor after all the criminal jokes. Anyway his parents trick him into thinking he'll find valuable stuff if he cleans out the attic and the garage.

Oh bless you William Russ and Betsy Randle. Bless your experienced acting. Will Friedle is doing well too, I'm just sour about everything before this. But this is good. Great, maybe. Something to keep me going, a reason to keep fighting.

At Turner's apartment, Cory and Shawn are reviewing the footage and see that they accidentally filmed that Eddie guy hauling around some presumably stolen computers. How the fuck was Eddie dumb enough to let that happen? How does this guy get dressed in the morning? Cory and Shawn were practically right next to him, it's ridiculous. Regardless, Cory wants to use this hardware thievery ring as the source material for his news-station contest project thing. Shawn doesn't like the idea.

Gee that was mature and rational. What the fuck. It's not like the tape had any sort of conclusive evidence. Shawn would rather protect this trailer park gangster piece of shit than send the tape to his dad as a birthday gift. I can't even begin to understand how this makes sense. "It's my family, I can do whatever I want" is his justification. Cory's pissed, by the way. He's also as confused as I am. The next day at school, Cory demands an explanation.

Shawn refuses to provide one, so they tackle each other and grapple a little bit, it's honestly not the worst act-fighting I've ever seen, and the extras react by crowding around and shouting "fight!" which is about as realistic as it could be. Turner and Eli break up the fight and Cory says he thinks that Shawn is just jealous of his skills with a camera, which is just completely fucking retarded.

And because I know we all want it,

Cory is going to go down to the trailer park to get more footage of Eddie stealing shit. Shawn warns him one last time, but Cory doesn't listen. So now Feeny is left to give advice to the frustrated Mr. Hunter. Shawn is playing the whole "who needs friends when you have family, family is always there for you" EVEN THOUGH HIS PARENTS ARE BLATANTLY NOT THERE FOR HIM so I just don't even know how the writers could have POSSIBLY thought this made sense. Mr. Feeny points out that you "don't have to be blood to be family", which is pretty great advice that Shawn really shouldn't need to hear after all these years.

We can always count on Eric. His parents try to convince him that he's getting scammed by both them and the appraisal place, but he's too far gone.

At the trailer park, Cory is a complete fucking idiot. He's already got the thugs on tape hauling their stolen stuff, about a thousand times more footage than he had before, but "I gotta get closer". No you don't Cory. You're already withing not-moron seeing distance. Jesus this is ridiculous. Eddie and the gang catch him, break his camera, and are about to beat the shit out of him.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHA

aaaaaaaaahahahahahaha

Shawn threatens to call the cops on Eddie, who responds with "Come on man, I'm your brother." Shawn sticks to his guns and the trailer park gang crew squad decide not to kill Shawn and Cory. Shawn clarifies that Eddie is merely his half-brother, and that his existence "just didn't seem worth talking about." Shawn and Cory reconcile, Shawn points out that Cory is his "family" and that Eddie is only "blood". I feel like he should have known that already.

During the credits, Eric's fuckin loaded, apparently he sold some mask he found while he was cleaning for $4,000. Feeny shows up and inquires about the mask, apparently it was his, Eric gives him the money. Poor Eric.

Plot: 0.25 - Eric's wasn't terrible.

Humor: 0.25 - Eric, Amy, and Alan were good.

Character Development: 0.25 - Development occurred but it was LONG overdue. How fuckin long have these guys been friends? And Shawn only now realizes that Cory is his real family? It's just not even remotely believable.

Life Lesson: 0.50 - "You don't have to be blood to be family."

1.25 out of 4.0 - Just not a good episode at all. Obviously they're never going to MENTION Eddie again. I mean shit, there are several very important Hunter related events in the future and this guy isn't even whispered about. The only remotely reasonable thing is that he's Shawn's mother's kid from a previous husband, but even then there are a lot of places where he should come around. This was a complete fucking mistake by the writers. Just make him a cousin or something for crying out loud, what were they thinking? In the past, Shawn's mentioned a sister, as has Topanga, but they were never actually on screen. This half-brother was on screen and had lines and directly impacted the story, and is immediately erased from existence. What a complete waste of time.

At least it's over. Thanks for reading, see you Monday.

All images used under Fair Use.

Episode 3x16 "Stormy Weather"

Well I'm a minute in and already my hopes are down in the gutter. They already threw about 10 punchlines at me in that span of time and it's just an insult to my intelligence. The gist of it though is that Eric is working way too hard at his news-station internship and thus neglecting his other responsibilities, including going to class. Mr. Feeny's class ends as he mentions that Lincoln freed the slaves for political as well as moral reasons, which is just the realest shit you'll ever hear. I hope everybody at home was listening to that.

As he tries to make his way out of the room, Eric is stopped by Feeny, who informs him that if he doesn't do the paper due Friday, he's not going to pass the class and therefore won't graduate.

At Turner's apartment, Shawn and Dana Pruitt are hangin out, doin some homework. I don't think Shawn's had a girlfriend for more than one episode before, so good for him. Turner comes home just in time for Dana's mom to show up, and the sparks flyyyyyyy.

The whole exchange here is pretty great, and really shows off the chemistry these two have built up over the last two seasons.

At the news station, we see John O'Hurley, who I only know as J. Peterman on Seinfeld, is doing the weather, and Eric watches with stars in his eyes. We see how really invested in this internship Eric has become and then a guitar riff plays over some stock footage of cars driving in the snow. Wasting a lot of time here. At the station again, the weather guy is AWOL and who else would be chosen to fill in but our boy Eric. God knows they couldn't just not have the weather.

Eli is there because his contract said he had to be in a certain number of episodes and the writers didn't know what the fuck else to do with him.

Eric does a great job as a weather man, and everyone congratulates him at home, including Mr. Feeny. I don't know why they were all watching the weather at the same time, but sure. Oh okay, Feeny is actually here to remind Eric that his 2,000 word essay is due by Friday. Eric says he doesn't have time for it with this weatherman stuff, but that's bull shit. 2,000 words is for children, what the fuck is he gonna do for the rest of the night? Just write it now, jesus. Anyway, here's the big conflict of the day, Eric has to choose between the weatherman stuff and actually graduating from high school. No surprise, he chooses the weatherman stuff. He is also turning 18 at midnight that night, so he's feeling like he can make his own life choices and all that other shit that always happens on a sitcom when someone turns 18.

The next morning they do the whole "OH YOU WANT ME TO PAY RENT?" thing, and Eric storms out. Heh... Storms... Weather... Whooooooooooooo that's about as funny as anything this episode. Where's Dana? It's not all bad though, we're getting to see that tough love that Alan Matthews is famous for. We've missed out on that this season, so it's good to have it again.

Oh here's Dana. And Shawn. They're waiting for Turner and Miss Dana's Mom to come back from their date.

So Turner and Madame Mother Of Dana have decided not to see each other again since it would be too awkward for Shawn and Dana. What a riveting conclusion to this story arc that we saw 30 seconds of. Anybody else would have forgotten about it by now.

At the station, Eric finishes his weather cast and is approached by the station manager. He's got a real weatherman coming down to take the job since Eric is just an inexperienced kid. Eric wants his old internship position back, but that's only open to students, and since Eric sort of dropped out over night, he's screwed now. Woops.

Alan shows up next. He tells us the story of how he went into the Navy after high school, to his father's great disapproval, and that he doesn't want to make the same mistakes his father made. So they reconcile and I don't know how I feel about it. Eric was already fucked, this doesn't influence his decision to go back to school at all. He was gonna have to go back regardless. It's just like "hey I'll support your decision to do the thing you can't do anymore." I dunno.

Anyway bak at school, Eric hands in his paper to Mr. Feeny. The old man is hesitant to just welcome Eric back with open arms, but Eric explains that he's learned how tough the real world can be, and that he'll never be able to find a job without a diploma. Well fuck the 90s. 20 years later you're gonna need a DEGREE in a STEM FIELD to have a CHANCE to find a job. Those high school diploma days, man. My poor generation. Feeny is moved by Eric's new value of education and welcomes him back school.

During the credits, Shawn and Dana are making out at Chubbie's and then they see Turner on a date with Dana's aunt. Because where the hell else would two full grown adults go on a date. God damn, Turner, this is why you're not married. You keep fuckin takin these girls to god damn Chubbie's. That's never going to work in the long term, man.

Plot: 0.5 - It wasn't bad, it was just frustratingly predictable.

Character Development: 1.0 - Eric's finally gonna start learning some shit at school.

Humor: 0.5 - Shawn was consistently funny, but he only had about a minute of screen time.

Life Lesson: 1.0 - Let's see what we learned here. Even a sure thing can go horribly wrong. Fathers shouldn't abandon their sons. The real world is hard, especially for dropouts. The entire Pruitt family is good looking. I'd say that's worth the point.

3.0 out of 4.0. - I think this was a somewhat shorter review. There really wasn't a whole lot going on in this episode. It's another example of my flawed scoring system, I would never really seek this one out to watch, but that's a pretty good score. Oh well. What the hell happened to Eli? We never saw him again past the 10 minute mark. And Eric needed that internship to pass the journalism class. Whatever.

Thanks for reading, see you Wednesday.

All images used under Fair Use.

Episode 3x15 "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter"

If you haven't seen the teaser for Girl Meets World yet, consider the two following questions:

"Should you go watch it?"

"Do you want to be disappointed?"

Those two questions have the same answer.

Who's Shawn on a date with this week? Could it beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee DANA PRUITT? Played by the lovely and talented Larisa Oleynik?

Yes.

That is who.

Larisa played Alex on The Secret World of Alex Mack, and a bunch of other cool stuff (just go to IMDB) all the way up to 2014, and you better believe I was excited to see her on Mad Men. And this actually isn't the first time Larisa and Rider have met, they played opposite each other in Les Mis a few years before BMW started airing. So this is a real treat.

Anyway, these two are lockin' lips here at Chubbie's and start planning their next date. Dana suggests working a volunteer booth or a picnic, but Shawn's not keen on either of those activities: it's apparent that he really just wants to makeout some more, so Dana ultimately declines a second date.

The gif tells us the plot in a nutshell. Shawn's super interested in this "nice girl" but because he's a hit-it-and-quit-it kinda guy, the odds are against them.

Off to the side, Eric's discussing his recent shitty grade on a paper with Eli and Turner. Our boy Rico explains that he's trying to turn things around so he can get into college, and the teachers tell him about an internship at the local news station. The competition's rough, but Eric thinks the other applicants will all cancel each other out, leaving him to steal the spot. Eli's not so sure, but Turner's convinced.

That might be THE most meta thing I've ever heard. Imagine you're on your couch, watching this episode, and in between spoons of chocolate pudding you're like "pfff how the hell would Eric ever get an internship pfff", and then your cynical, smartass buddy is like "it's a fuckin tv show, what do you expect." That's what Turner is saying, on the meta level anyway. In context it's just, sure, Eric can get a job at a silly tv station, but he's also saying "we're on a tv show, of course he's going to get it." Funny stuff.

Back on the other side of the hallway, we learn that Dana wants a date with Cory, and Shawn is supportive, though hesitant. He quickly finds some "bad girls" in leather jackets to take his mind off of Dana.

Home girl on the right has her shirt tucked in, even the dangerous girls weren't safe from the power of the 90s.

At the Matthews house later that night, Shawn's hanging around in the kitchen even though Cory left for his date after dinner. He's just waiting for Cory to get home so he can ask how things went with Dana. Morgan is lurking around too, and she's got some boss ass comfy slippers.

Look at those slippers. Are those little cows? That's awesome, I want that shit.

Anyway, Mr. and Mrs. Matthews go to bed, and Cory comes home shortly after.

This is one of those rare times where I just have no explanation for why something is funny. But I love that line. And look at Shawn's hair bounce, god damn.

So Cory didn't kiss Dana on the date, but he had a good time. It quickly becomes apparent that Shawn has very real feelings for this girl, and Cory agrees to back off. I'm not entirely sure what purpose this served, except to show us what kind of guy Dana is typically interested in.

At school the next day, we meet one of the smarty-pants guys Eric's competing against for that internship. His name is Arthur and he's played by Danny Strong, another actor I saw on Mad Men recently. Maybe that's just the way of things. You got Alison Brie on Mad Men too, sitcoms and Mad Men, folks, it's destiny.

On the other side of the hall, Shawn talks with Dana about her date with Cory. Turns out, she thinks Cory is the kind of guy you could get serious with (yeah no kidding), so she didn't want to rush things by kissing him. But on the other hand, she kissed Shawn on the first date because he's cute but not "boyfriend material". Ouch. At lunch, Cory and Shawn discuss their respective identities as the "nice guy" and "bad boy". Topanga comes around and lays down some fuckin truth about how Shawn objectifies women and needs to grow the fuck up. 

This is good stuff! Up until now, the show has mostly been glorifying Shawn's dating habits, but now we're seeing the dark side of it.

At the news station, Arthur's just finished his interview for the internship and it looks like it went pretty damn well, and a sweaty, nervous Eric is up next.

In Feeny's class, the man himself mentions that if the media had been as invasive in the past as it has become in the last few years, some people, including Kennedy, might never have been elected. True enough. Shawn opens up a debate in the class about whether Kennedy could be considered a good president. The first time I saw this I didn't know about Kennedy's numerous affairs, so I was like what the fuck, of course he was a great president after the Cuban Missile Crisis. But now that I know the full context, it's actually a really interesting discussion. Dana believes "less of a husband, less of a leader", so we see how this debate about Kennedy is analogous to the conflict in this plot. And that's pretty awesome. I always say this, but I love when the lessons in the classroom directly reflect the lessons in the story. Very good stuff.

Now we're... back at the news station... I guess the interviews are during school hours...? Anyway, Eric comes out even sweatier than he went in, and the interview was clearly pretty shit. But he starts chatting with some guy who appears to be a janitor, and helps him clean up the studio. As he does so, he explains that all the other applicants just want something to put on their resumes, and that he really needs this job, and that he would put his heart and soul into working there. In all honesty, he explicitly said earlier in the episode that he just needed some stuff to help get into college, but we'll accept that he really does want to work here.

Anyway the old janitor guy turned out to be Pat Darby, the station manager (come on Eli, it's television!) and so Eric gets the internship.

Pat is played by Brandon Maggart, who was a big deal in the 80s and had a recurring role on Sesame Street in 1970, so he's alright in my book!

At Turner's apartment, Cory searches for a lost mitten while Shawn gets advice from their English teacher. Cory finds the "scarf he lost last year" under Turner's couch cushions. BUT WAIT! Shawn only moved in with Turner at the end of season 2! This is strong evidence of my "a year passed between seasons 2 and 3" theory. Cool. Turner advises Shawn to show Dana he really cares, rather than just telling her. That's the abridged version anyway. It's actually some of the best we've seen of Turner this season. Is it mere coincidence that Eli isn't around for Turner's good advice? THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS, PEOPLE. THIS IS WHY WE'RE HERE.

We're seeing a lot of this, where Shawn and Cory trade off between being either goofy or the focus of the story, and it works really well. And honestly, I think I like it better when Shawn's getting the character development and Cory's doing the jokes. Cory's humor is more silly and witty, while Shawn's is mostly centered on him being dumb in one way or another. Either way, it's definitely working in this episode.

Next, Dana finds Shawn outside Chubbie's.... somehow... and he shows her that he was listening when she suggested they go on a picnic and bleeds his heart out for her, so she agrees to a second date. It's pretty compelling and sweet. Usually this kind of scene is really hard to watch, but they're both so solid in these roles and the writing is pretty good, so it's definitely easy to watch. I do have two things to point out though.

1. Dana explicitly suggested they go on a picnic at the beginning of the episode, but in this scene she tells Shawn he's silly for trying to have a picnic in the middle of winter. MAKE UP YOUR MIND, DANA PRUITT.

2. For as long as there have been shows and movies, there have been stories of the guy who "just needs a chance" and ultimately gets the girl, like we saw here. But almost never is there a girl who "just needs a chance", you know? This is a great episode and all, but like, why don't we get one where, I dunno, Trini gets a date with some football player who's willing to "give her a chance"? You know what I mean? I'm not trying to preach, I'm sure BMW isn't gender biased or anything, it's just sort of a double standard. Then again, Cory kinda gave a chance to Topanga back in season 1... I dunno. Leave a comment.

During the credits, Eric and Morgan pour coffee for the entire staff of the news station. 

Plot: 1.0 - Great stuff for both Shawn and Eric. Why is the "it's television" excuse okay for Eric here? Well, this episode is more of a setup for him. The news station plays a big part in coming episodes, so we cut a few corners here for the sake of a later story. And that's fine.

Character Development: 1.0 - Shawn's journey of self discovery continues. Shawn and Turner talk about dating stuff, making Turner look more and more like a father, which is always cool.

Humor: 1.0 - Everybody did a stellar job in this episode. Even Morgan was tolerable.

Life Lesson: 1.0 - We learned about what to do and what not to do in dating, and Eric showed us that passion is highly valued by prospective employers.

4.0 out of 4.0. This is one of my favorite episodes. The Shawn and Dana pairing is great, Cory is hilarious, Feeny's history lesson relates to the story, Turner acts like a father figure, and Eric gets a little bit closer to college. Recipe for fuckin success right there. 

Thanks for reading, see you Monday!

All images used under Fair Use.

Episode 3x14 "A Kiss is More Than a Kiss"

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo Cory and Topanga are still interacting with each other even though they broke up a couple episodes ago. Shawn does not approve, but Cory insists that it's completely innocent. Further, he insists that participating the "Fall Fashion-Wear Fest" with Topanga is also innocent, since he agreed to do it back when they were still dating. This event apparently consists of students modeling formal-wear for the prom. They say and react to that explanation like it actually makes sense, like "oh, of course, modeling outfits for the prom, that's a thing." Also Topanga's hair is way too long.

Cory wants to prove that he's over Topanga, so he agrees to go on a double date with Shawn. Shawn recruits the first two girls who happened to walk by, and they agree because he's Shawn goddamn Hunter, and it helps that Cory's actually starting to not look like a 9 year old anymore.

On the Matthews' backyard patio, Eric opens the response to his application to Penn State. He reads the rejection out loud and Mr. Feeny overhears and offers some sincere advice.

Ain't that beautiful? I'm concerned by the timeline here, I don't know what college still has applications open by the time rejections/acceptances start goin out, but we'll just have to put up with Hollywood on that one.

And then something TERRIBLE happens! Muhhuahauahahauahha *lightning*

Inside, Eric and Mrs. Matthews are prying into Cory for more information about his date that night, and then Cory makes a pretty meta comment about how Morgan never tries to get into his personal life, Morgan hasn't bothered him for a long time. And then Morgan comes downstairs and we meet the new actress who I guess is better, but fuck, that's like replacing M. Night Shyamalan with Michael Bay as director of Last Airbender and saying "yeah I mean... it's technically better, but... it's really just less bad."

She's looking into the camera while she gives these lines. Is she looking at me? I don't want her looking at me. I don't want some tongue in cheek fourth-wall breaking shit here, just say your lines and let's move on.

Wow, this shit, this the Eli treatment right here. This is almost the exact same formula as the scene where we saw Eli for the first time. Joke after joke after joke from the new cast member while the audience loses their minds. But right off the bat we can tell what we're in for for the rest of the series. She's gonna be snarkin it up at the expense of her brothers, no real character development, no arcs, no depth, just wisecracks. I honestly have no problem with a little sister being on this show, and this new actress is perfectly fine, I just hate how she's written. Blugh.

Fuck, I'm only four minutes in and it's been an hour. Long way to go. I need a drink.

WHAT THE SHIT they made ANOTHER joke about Morgan being in her room for a long time? That's TWO in like a minute, come ooooooooooooooooooon. 

Heh heh heh... I love making those...

Her mom finally gets her the fuck outta there so Eric and Cory can talk, and his best advice is to not talk about Topanga at all on the date. At Chubbie's later, Shawn and his date are vigorously making out on their side of the booth while Cory makes awkward small talk. He even got the cuter of the two, he's definitely still hung up on Toperoski.

That line is absolutely timeless. Cracks me up every time. His delivery is amazing. We jump ahead to Cory and his date (her name is Melissa) on Melissa's doorstep but he just doesn't seem to have the nerve to kiss her goodnight, even though she explicitly states that she wants him to.

At the school's lunch the next day, Eric goes to Eli, Turner, and Feeny to show them his acceptance letter from "Boris College", and they try not to tell him directly to his face that Boris doesn't exist. 

Across the lunchroom are Cory and Shawn. Apparently Cory gave Melissa a handshake the night before instead of kissing her, but evidently she found that gentlemanly and approaches Cory asking him for another date. Afterwards, Cory is still unable to kiss her, and invites himself in to meet her parents.

Cory admits that he's not over Topanga, and insists that she's not over him either. But then he turns around to see her kissing some Brad at one of the booths there at Chubbie's. That's some real shit right there, folks. Real as FUCK. I'm sure most of us have been in this position before, and it SUCKS. I'm wary of some sort of Disney movie ending to all this, but it is Boy Meets World after all, so I expect something more meaningful.

And indeed, back at Shawn/Turner's apartment, Shawn gives a very well delivered, impassioned speech about how Topanga's doing exactly what she's supposed to be doing: she's met someone new, she's moving on, just like Cory is supposed to. Hell to the hell yes. I've said it before, but most of the best episodes of this show are about dating. It's by far the most realistic and mature examination of teenage I have ever seen on television. Anyway Cory storms over to Melissa's house to throw down some moves (not entirely realistic but shut up).

That's awesome too! "Well we tried, oh well, peace out." I love this show.

The Brad surfer dude guy is hangin out at Topanga's locker the next day and Cory jumps on his back in a blind rage. He bails and Topanga's like "what the fuck dude", but she also understands why it's hard for him to see that stuff. They argue, and it ends with Cory saying he doesn't want to be friends anymore. Harsh.

At lunch, Feeny finally decides to tell Eric that Boris College doesn't exist. Eric had already figured out it was a scam, and just went on pretending because he wanted to be a part of the good time that everyone around him was having. Like all of the conversations between these two, it's genuinely sentimental and well written. And funny.

At home, Cory throws all the stuff he has left over from his relationship with Topanga into the family's trash compactor, and his parents come downstairs in response to the noise. They give him the same sort of talk Shawn gave him earlier about dating other people.

Out of everything I learned from this show, that line is one of the ones that hit me the hardest. Obviously I'm not in high school anymore, but that shit hit me like a freight train when I was younger. It's brilliant. That's precisely the kind of thing teenagers need to hear. Nowadays everybody is searchin for their goddamned soul mate in English class instead of finding out what kind of people they're compatible with. Rock on, Boy Meets World. A round of applause, please, for Alan Matthews, partly in remembrance of times long past, when he gave us this kind of wisdom on a much more consistent basis.

They go on to say that even if Cory and Topanga are right for each other, then dating other people will still serve to confirm that, and that it's a good idea to not completely throw away their friendship in the meanwhile. This episode, you guys. It's just a BARRAGE of life lessons today. I love this show.

Back at school later that night, it's time for the Prom Fashion Fest. Turner remarks "Parents, if you see anything you want for your kids, there's order forms in the back." Okay fine, that actually does make a decent amount of sense. Anyway Cory shows up in time, and he and Topanga hash things out and Cory agrees to stop bein a dick.

During the credits Mr. Feeny finally brings Eric a letter of recommendation and tells Eric to go ahead and read it.

Go ahead, grab a tissue. I'll wait.

I love that scene. You know, some people don't really get this show, and this is one of those scenes that'll completely divide a room based on who gets this show and who doesn't. Some people are like "oh Feeny's just a teacher on a TV show." NO. NO HE IS NOT. Mr. Feeny is the essence of having someone who believes in you. We saw it earlier this season with Shawn, and now Eric's getting the same treatment. We loved him in the first two seasons, but this season is really showing us what an amazing person George Feeny really is.

Plot: 1.0 - Boris College was a little silly, but I liked everything else.

Character Development: 1.0 - F-F-F-F-F-F-Feeny. And Cory and Topanga.

Humor: 1.0 - It's the reason we came out of the trees, man.

Life Lesson: 1.0 - "You're supposed to date around, that's how you find the right person." And all associated bits of wisdom. I covered most of them already.

4.0 out of 4.0. This episode kicks ass by dealing with a very real teenage problem. Two actually. Eric's college admissions struggle is also very real. The resolution of Cory's story wasn't the Disney movie I was afraid of, we got to see Alan for the first time in a while, and the Feeny/Eric relationship hit one of its best moments. The craziest part is that as soon as Morgan came back, it got a perfect score. What's that about.

As an aside, I'm going to retroactively give City Slackers a 4.0. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote that conclusion, it was at least as good as this one. 

Thanks for reading, see you Friday for one of my personal favorite episodes!

All images used under Fair Use.

Episode 3x13 "New Friends and Old"

If you haven't seen Samuel L Jackson's slam poetry about Boy Meets World, you really really ought to.

This episode had the season 4 title sequence for some reason. Who are the old friends going to be? Is it Minkus? Is Minkus in this episode? Please?

Apparently Frankie and Joey have implicitly forced Cory and Shawn into some cheerleader uniforms, and they've just finished telling the story to Mr. Feeny.

They go out into the hall just as classes end, so a bunch of students make a few jokes at their expense, it's pretty funny and they manage to avoid any easy gay jokes, which is cool. Now Feeny's got Frankie and his pro-wrestler father, Vader, in his office to administer discipline. Vader does his whole "I'm a wrassllerrrrr" bit like always, and I guess it's funny if you like that kind of thing, and he promises that his son is going to shape up. Apparently Joey the Rat has already been suspended, and Feeny advises Frankie to find some new friends that aren't blatant criminals. A quick glance back at the title tells us where we're going with this.

Did they just not have the budget to give her any lines? It's so weird to watch, she nods and makes some hand gestures for like two more seconds without saying anything.

Frankie drags Cory and Shawn into Turner's empty classroom to kill them for ratting out him and Joey. I like to imagine Frankie running home to his dad with rainbows in his eyes, "Dad! Dad! I killed two snitches today!" And ol' Vader gets dewy eyed and sniffs before giving his son a clap on the shoulder and a couple prideful nods.

To avoid being mercilessly slaughtered, the boys offer to be Frankie's new friends, and he accepts.

A jammin' guitar riff transitions the scene over to Turner's apartment. Some ex of Turner's leaves a message on his voicemail saying that she wants to meet up while she's in town for a little while, but the man himself doesn't really wanna meet up with her, or give any details about the situation to Shawn. The two actually have a pretty funny dialogue here, they've always had good chemistry. Eli's there too, but he mostly keeps his mouth shut, which lends itself to my approval of the scene as a whole.

Turner takes a walk to cool off before he murders Shawn. While he's gone, Eli gives us the abridged version of Turner's backstory. He comes from a wealthy family and could have been rich with the country clubs and the yachts and the winters in Aspen and whatever if he had stayed to inherit the family business, but he chose to go do his own thing, leaving behind Melanie, the rich girl who's been leaving these voicemails. I could totally get behind this if it had been hinted at at least once, but they clearly never even considered to do this before now. It's still not terrible though.

At the Matthews house, Frankie sets up a sleepover at his place for Cory, against Cory's will. Back at Turner's Melanie finally shows up and she's lookin super duper poor, poorer than ol' Johnny Turner, in fact.

Melanie is played by Eliza Coyle who hasn't really done anything else worth mentioning.

Another characteristic guitar riff takes us to Chubbie's with Cory, Shawn, and Frankie. Our heroes see that the younger kids pay tribute to Frankie out of fear in the form of hamburgers and sandwiches, so they decide to cash in on these benefits as well by announcing their new best-friendery with Frankie. 

And nowwwwwwwww we're on a date with Turner and Melanie. It's like three minutes of them talking about their lives, and how you have to like, choose your own path in life, and apparently Melanie has also left the rich life behind to start her own bookstore, and came to Philly to show Turner that she's changed, and to maybe get some of his respect back. This is a disaster. Why the fuck are we doing this? This doesn't anyone else on the show. This is purely an attempt at making us care about Turner's backstory and to try to value him as more than a teacher/guardian/mentor. And that's a mistake. That's not who he's supposed to be. This scene just seems like a completely different show. I don't know what they were thinking.

So... much... 90's.... Why is Turner wearing a sweater but she's fine in a t-shirt?

At the school's lunch the next day, Shawn and Cory abuse Frankie's power to get a lunch table, and Frankie's like wait what the fuck you guys are just using me. Mr. The Enforcer wanders out into the hall and scares off some more people just by being near them, BUT WAIT. Mr. Feeny is on the scene. This better be good. This is the perfect opportunity for Feeny to slap some wisdom on this kid. Don't let me down Feeny.

So yeah it's not too bad, Feeny basically just tells Frankie that he has to stand up for himself and refuse to be a tool for his friends.

Now we're at Turner's place as he and Eli return and discuss the date with Melanie. Turner talks about how he and Melanie both misunderstood each other because of their first impressions (trust fund kids), and this resonates with Shawn and he reconsiders his first impression of Frankie The Enforcer. We're getting a two-pronged attack on morality here, from both Feeny and Turner, which sounds good in theory but... really? That's what we did all that Melanie work for? We were just building up to a lesson on first impressions? That's kind of underwhelming. PLUS! None of this shit is actually about first impressions! Turner and Melanie knew each other for a long time, those were prolonged impressions, and fuckin Frankie's been terrorizing Shawn since his first day at John Adams High. There is no misconception here, there's no hasty judgments, Frankie has been a bastard to Shawn for years, but now we're supposed to sympathize? Fuck that.

At school the next day, a bunch of those 7th grade slaves are about to exact their revenge on Shawn and Cory, but Frankie shows up and they run off. But Shawn's like "no, don't be afraid, he's not The Enforcer" and this is an actual quote, "that's only what you think of him as". Then he starts giving the speech about how there's a lot more to Frankie than beating the shit out of people. The 7th graders don't buy it though, THANK GOODNESS, I would have thrown up. Frankie appreciates the gesture though, and they all ride off into the sunset to get a hamburger. And the audience applauds. That is the first time in the series that they've done that, or at least that I've noticed it. What a joke of an ending.

Plot: 0.25 - What the hell even happened? Turner went on a date and the three boys just sorta... hung around.

Humor: 1.0 - Certainly not the best I've ever seen, but funny enough to outweigh the boring plot.

Character Development: 0.5 - I don't believe for a second that Frankie is actually done being a bully. But we learned a little more about Turner, I guess.

Life Lesson: 1.0 - It's clear what they were trying to say, and they got close enough.

2.75 out of 4.0. You guys know I love Frankie, but this is far from is best showing. Turner and Eli were boring, Feeny didn't get nearly enough screen time, Eric only had one line... But Cory and Shawn did pretty well until that last speechy preach scene at the end. Who the hell were the "old" friends?

Thanks for reading, see you Wednesday.

All images used under Fair Use.