Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Episode 1x05 "Killer Bees"

Guess what? Stuart Awesome Minkus got the highest score in the class on the geography exam. Cory Matthews got a C. Cory claims to have studied, and Mr. Feeny points out that the textbook is outdated, as it still has Germany separated by the Berlin Wall. That is some serious BS, folks. It's not Cory's fault. You're a dick, Feeny.

I'm going to assume that the airing order for the first handful of episodes was somewhat arbitrary because Topanga isn't in her seat. It's also odd, now that I think about it, that she appeared out of nowhere in episode 4, yet everyone acted like she'd always been there.

It's time for the Regional Geography Tournament. That might sound like a completely made up plot device but we had a Geography Bee at my middle school, so I'm okay with it. Black-Hair is sitting behind Minkus in this scene, supporting the notion that the episodes aired in a different order than they were filmed. Mr. Feeny has chosen the school's chief badass, Stuart Minkus, to be their representative. But wouldn'tcha just know it, the grand prize of the tournament is something Cory wants, which is to be the bat boy at the World Series. That's pretty fucking ridiculous. Cory tries a little brown-nosing, but Mama Feeny ain't raise no fool.

Later at the Matthews house, the side story begins. Eric is taking his girl Heather on a date to see Aerosmith, but incidentally his parents are going too. I don't know why this bothers Eric, there's almost no chance they'll be anywhere near each other at the concert, but let's go with it. Side note, Boy Meets World makes some bizarre wardrobe choices. Eric's shirt might fit someone twice his size. And that spot on his neck makes one's imagination wander. 

 Morgan does some things that are almost funny, which is astonishing. Cory, Good-Hair, and Black-Hair have kidnapped Minkus and brought him up to Cory's room. The guys try to get Minkus to give up his position in the Geography Tournament by explaining that being a nerd is dumb. It's a funny scene, but more important is that this scene shows why Cory, Good-Hair, and Minkus are permanent characters while Black-Hair gets shown the door. Acting is more than just saying your lines out loud, Black-Hair. 

Poor Minkus caves to peer pressure and drops out. Cory and Feeny banter and eventually Feeny caves to Cory pressure. We're about halfway now, and honestly guys this episode is boring as balls. 

Cory's studying pretty hard and starting to act nerdy. In the poorly-delivered words of Black-Hair, "he's mutating, man." And he's not the only one. Even if the rest of the episode is terrible, at least we get to see this. 

It's time for the Geography Tournament and Mr. Feeny shows Cory how to relax his shoulders.

That is the best gif I have ever made. 

Cory knows nothing and ultra-loses. Back at home, we finally get to see Heather. Game reco'nize game boys and girls, and Eric Matthews has got game. 

Eric and his parents sort things out but who gives a shit because look at Heather. Pretty Redhead Bonus Badge. She sort of looks like Van Pelt from The Mentalist. She's played by an actress named Nikki Cox who clearly got some unfortunate plastic surgery some number of years after filming this scene. Google image search if you dare, but I recommend against it.

Back at school, Minkus has returned to being a nerd and Feeny's not too upset about Cory losing the Geography Tournament. Turns out that Cory aced the most recent geography exam since he learned all that stuff preparing for the tournament. I guess they have a geography exam every week or something. Is that the lesson this episode? That hard work has unintended benefits? Pretty underwhelming. There was a chance for Minkus to do some growing, maybe learn about himself and realize that being smart is worth getting picked on a little bit. Heck, I'm sure a speech from Mr. Feeny about that could have jerked a tear or two from me. Instead, Minkus just decides he's done with his giant pants. Not a whole lot to praise here. And they still haven't said Good-Hair's name.

0 for plot, 0 for life lesson, .75 for humor, and 0 for character development. 

.75/4 with a Heather Badge.

Clips and images used under Fair Use.

2 comments :

  1. I actually disagree. I always get a tear or two when I watch this and hear Feeny say "We won."

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  2. They said Shawn's name in episode 4

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