Episode 7x17 "She's Having My Baby Back Ribs"

I meant to say last time that Playswith Squirrels is still wearing all his usual rings on his fingers, even though he claims to have sold all his worldly possessions. I'm not really sure why.

And now for something completely different.

I've referred to Jack as Bronze Adonis Jack a few times, and today that's how he views himself. He's here in The Union with the female characters and he starts showing off his abs, to the amusement of Rachel and Angela. People generally view this as douchey behavior, and it is, but in all honesty I would probably want to show them off too. To the side, Topanga eats pizza and looks on at the beautiful people doing beautiful things, clearly struggling with some body image issues. The Beautifuls head off to class and we see Shawn and Cory getting coffee at Brew Lagoon.

So this interesting. In the first half of Seven The Hard Way, Shawn is clean shaven, and then in The Future he has a very beatnik goatee. I think it was real and Rider decided to keep it, because now Shawn has a goatee.

Shawn+Cory is as old as time, but we've got something new and exciting brewing on the other side of The Union. Eric sits down near Topanga with a big sub sandwich, starts to eat some pizza, and then the two discuss how they're both getting fat. I cannot explain why, but this works SO well.

Maybe season 1 Topanga was on to something when she had that crush on Eric. Maybe it's because Topanga's had so much practice being patient with Cory that she's actually able to be compassionate toward Eric here, a refreshing change from how everyone's been an ass to him this season. I can't say for sure what makes this duo so fun to watch, but they've instantly pulled me into the episode. I'd love to hear what you guys think about this.

Toperic make a pact to start dieting, and they both promise not to tell anyone about it. Eric shoves some pizza in his mouth and the audience cheers. So clearly this isn't going to be very serious. This isn't the "eating disorder" episode of Full House.

At The Dorm, Topanga's feeling insecure as well as nauseated, and she's having trouble zipping up her pants.

She says "Oh no... I have to go," and heads out the door. We all know how this episode goes, and even with the future events in mind, her exit makes no sense. None whatsoever, I cannot figure it out.

So we cut to Cory and Goatee Boy enjoying some waffles in bed, and Shawn comes to the reasonable conclusion that Topanga is pregnant, based on the information that Cory has given him. Almost every television show does a pregnancy story at some point, usually with a big season-ending cliffhanger, and almost every one of them is completely awful. "She's pregnant but I can't bring it up because X," "I'm pregnant but I can't tell him because X." You know the ones. This episode seems to be almost a satire of pregnancy episodes. The same way that the audience assume's that there's going to be a pregnancy episode, the characters assume that Topanga is pregnant. And as we all know, every pregnancy storyline could be easily solved with the slightest bit of communication between those involved. Jacobs has decided to parody that by having Shawn vehemently insist that Cory simply talk to his wife to easily sort things out, yet Cory continues to make outlandish decisions without ever talking to Topanga.

So does this merely fall into the "misunderstanding" trope, where we have to wait until the end for everyone to go "ohhhhhhhhhhhhh now I get it"? As it turns out, no, there's one more twist coming up to avoid that cliche too.

At The Union, we see some more absolutely fantastic teamwork between Topanga and Eric. This is so beautiful. It actually feels like the Shawn+Cory of seasons past, a goofy team trying to work through a plan that's bound to fail. I am loving it.

Cory walks in as Eric puts his hand on Topanga's stomach and comforts her, but of course Eric is just talking about the weight debacle. Topanga heads out, leaving Cory to confront his brother. So right away we, the seasoned television veteran, groan and roll our eyes, bracing ourselves for the imminent laughtrack resulting from the "misunderstanding." Sad to say, that's pretty much exactly what happens, Cory thinks they're having a conversation about pregnancy, Eric thinks it's about dieting, and anyone of us could have written this entire dialogue.

The good news is that the tone isn't serious at all. It's not supposed to be creating drama or tension, as it might in other shows. It's all very silly, the Matthews brothers are both doing faces and voices and wild gestures. There's a good amount of fun to be had here, even though it's totally predictable.

Cory runs outside and informs Shawn that he was right about the pregnancy. The lips are loose here in Philadelphia, so the news quickly spreads to everyone in the city, except, somehow, Topanga. It even reaches some nameless guy whose only response is to ask who Topanga is. It's weird. Random extras usually don't get lines. This was his big break.

The game of city-wide telephone has resulted in Cory's parents and Feeny believing that Cory is adopting a 14 year old Chinese boy, which is funny, and Cory quickly sets them straight with his own version of the not-truth. Alan is of course very angry, but some totally unrealistic comments on his part derail his tirade. Eric shows up and derails things further, raving about breast feeding, and is soon back out the door chasing after the ice cream man. This felt like the standard season 7 Eric where nobody really gives a shit about what he's saying and they're all glad when he's gone again. Not my favorite.

The rest of this scene feels very odd to me. They do the whole emotional talk about the magic and wonder of fatherhood. Except, unlike the previous scenes, this one is totally sincere. The touching guitar music plays and comes to terms with the idea of being a father. This is the sort of thing you'd expect in every other show, and I suppose the first time viewer might not be sure whether or not Topanga's pregnant, but I feel like it should be obvious from the beginning. The rest of the episode works perfectly fine without this. So why is it here?

And just like that, right after Cliche Fest 1999, we're back in anti-cliche mode as both Amy and Shawn tell Cory to go talk to Topanga about this, and still he refuses.

Cory resolves to throw a secret surprise ninja baby shower for Topanga, and all this has me totally convinced that it's making sport of the fact that this type of plot can be resolved so easily.

The party is at The Union, obviously, where Angela and Topanga have just arrived. Like I said earlier, you would expect this sort of thing to be resolved at the end, but Topanga tells Angela flat out before they go inside that she is not pregnant, which leaves the next seven minutes wide open.

Topanga's about to tell everyone the truth, until they start handing her gifts. Including a shiny new DVD PLAYER WOAHHHHHHHHH. That was hot shit back then. So she decides to go along with the pregnancy nonsense. I've seen "She's pregnant and doesn't want to say anything," I've seen "They think she's pregnant  but don't want to say anything," but this is the only show I know of with "They think she's pregnant and she pretends to be to get gifts." It's unique. Topanga's doing something exciting and different. I like it a lot.

Morgan pushes in Nana Boo Boo in her wheelchair, who has apparently got quite a gift for her grandson.

I mean this has to be a total farce now, right? There is nothing resembling a standard pregnancy episode anymore.

Topanga refuses to give up on the charade, and it's all very entertaining, until Cory has an outpouring of love and support that makes her feel guilty. I was fine with it until he did the "don't care about the gender as long as it's healthy" line. GOD it's so tired! AS LONG AS IT'S HEALTHY

AS LONNNAAIII HEEEAAYYYYYYYYY


Come on guys, we were supposed to be anti cliche, I hate that line so muchhhhhhhhhhhh. And hey, what if it's NOT healthy? Pretty sure Joshua was unhealthy at first, you wanna just throw him to the gutter? Anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Topanga does probably the funniest voice she ever does on this show when she whispers goodbye to the DVD player. Actually this might be the only silly voice she does on the show. It's a shame.

Topanga finally comes clean to everybody and it goes about how you'd expect, nothing bad, nothing great. Everyone assures her that she is still gorgeous and not fat, including Eric.

I don't know how to describe how perfect Will's delivery (pun intended) is on that line. It's so casual and apathetic, like it's just something everybody does. I adore that line. Definitely one of my favorites this season.

Eric pulls the same stunt on the guy standing behind him, and one of the extras in the background is trying SO HARD. One of my favorite games to play is to find the extras that are trying way too hard. And I know it's mean, I'm sorry, they just want to act and prove that they can act, I'm sure I'd do the same thing, but damn is it funny to watch.

The situation devolves into a bunch of beautiful people explaining how they're not that beautiful. Even Jack, who was apparently fat growing up, at which point he was known as Jumbo Jack. I don't know how that's supposed to make us feel better, he's still Bronze Adonis Jack now. Eric gives him a hard time though, which is delightful.

All these random people are still standing around watching, making the whole thing pretty uncomfortable. Nana Boo Boo takes back her giant check, and that's that. At The Dorm, Cory and Topanga gaze toward the future when they finally do have a kid, and Topanga suggests that they keep practicing in the meantime. You know what I've just decided? The wedding was worth it. I'm glad Cory and Topanga got married because it has allowed them to talk about sex like an actual thing people like to do, instead of the spooky woo-woo television-taboo of *gasp* premarital sex.

It's just music during the credits.

Plot: 0.75 - Every series has to have a pregnancy story, and this was refreshing. I would have gone for the full point were it not for that segment in the middle where it felt too emotional with Amy and Alan, like we were supposed to be taking the pregnancy seriously.

Character Development: 1.0 - I'm just giving it for the beautiful chemistry between Topanga and Eric. The only time we got close to seeing that dynamic was when Eric wanted revenge against her earlier this season. And despite my better judgement, I loved that too.

Humor: 1.0 - Everybody was awesome. Except Jack, honestly. That Jumbo Jack story really isn't very interesting or funny, but Eric's reaction to it is fucking amazing.

Life Lesson: 0.5 - Beauties gonna beauty. But try not to compare yourself to other people. I haven't talked much about the body image thing because it really fell to the background once the pregnancy stuff started. And of course Topanga isn't really fat, she's always been great looking, but it's still believable that she'd want to cut a few pounds after spending time with her-only-quality-is-her-appearance Rachel and Bronze Adonis Jack.

3.25 out of 4.0. This is one of my favorites of season 7. It feels like a return to form. We took something that most shows would handle in a boring and cliche way, and handled it in a different and entertaining way. And I understand the desire to broach the subject of children with Cory and Topanga. I'm sure lots of fans wanted to know about their future in that regard, and this episode gives them a very confident thumbs up, that is, that they'll happily have children some day. And as we now know from Girl Meets World, that's what happened.

Thanks for reading, see you Monday. Enjoy your Majora's Mask 3DS in the meantime.

Holy crap we're almost done.

All images used under Fair Use.