Episode 2x21 "The Thrilla in Phila"

Okay I guess I was wrong before in 2x14, when Cory said he was entering his eighth year of public education. He is evidently still in 7th grade. That's a weird thing to say if he wasn't starting eighth grade. "Oh maybe he's counting Kindergarten." Well that would make sense if he were starting seventh grade, but that's not it either. It was apparently just the middle of 7th grade when he said that. I don't know what's going on.

Topanga exists in this episode and works for the yearbook now. As such, she asks Cory and Shawn what their greatest achievement in their first year (see opening remarks) at John Adams High was. Is she going to interview every student at the school like this? Maybe that's where she's been all season. Anyway the boys can't think of anything.

First of all, WOAH, that's harsh. And second, what the fuck are you talking about? It's already well established that we in the audience are paying much more attention to this show than the writers did, but this is just nonsense. Off the top of my head, let's see, they both were pretty close to winning the race for class president, they took over and then re-took over the school's radio station, they ruined the dance by pretending to be in a band, and initiated a student protest/revolution. TAKE YOUR PICK. 

BUT FINE. Let's pretend that none of that happened. Besides, Shawn's hair looks so good in that gif that I'm having a hard time staying angry.

Cory decides to blame his perceived lack of achievement on the jocks, who wear their letter jackets around all the time "and therefore get all the girls, what chance [does he] have?" This statement is completely unrelated to his problem of underachieving, but we're not in the habit of making sense today.

Some jocks in letter jackets approach the boys and estimate their respective weights, hoping to find a new lightweight wrestler for their team. Cory fits the bill and accepts the position on the team. The jocks then whore out the girl you see below to be Cory's new arm candy. Her name is Candy.

I'm sure the porn business will be happy to have you in the future, Candy. In all seriousness, Candy is played by Kelly Packard who had three very minor one-or-two-episode characters on Baywatch in '91, '92, and '95, and then returned to play a fourth, but recurring, character in '97 (two years after this episode aired), and that lasted through the ninth season. So that's cool. And it totally looks like those two jocks on the left are about to kiss.

We had that little hiccup in 2x19 where Cory had all the self confidence and Shawn was having the identity crisis, but we're back to form now. Cory's letting his new jock-ness get to his head, and Shawn's being the aloof "why are you doing this dumb shit" guy who just wants his friend back.

In Mr. Feeny's history class, Griffin Hawkins, played by the illustrious Adam Scott, has called in a professional masseuse.

As Mr. Feeny thoroughly scolds Griff in the only hallway in the school, Frankie and Joey make a convenient arrival. It has just now occurred to me that Feeny's class is in the same room as Turner's class. Come on, Boy Meets World. Can you at least try? Anyway, Frankie and Joey brought some fresh lobsters with them per Griff's request. Feeny asks the lackeys what they would do if Griff were no longer around, i.e if her were expelled, prompting a moment of profound insight from our boy Joey the Rat.

Damn. That hits home, JoJo.

In the next scene, Topanga finds Cory at Chubbie's in an effort to finish that yearbook interview because there is literally nothing else to do with your time in high school. Except for everything.

Cory gives her some bull shit answers inspired by his new jock persona, and she scoffs as she walks over to Shawn, who, of course, is also there. Topanga means to ask Shawn where he sees himself in ten years, but Freudian-slips "where do you see Cory in ten years". Shawn's like "haha you like him don't you" and Topanga becomes outrageously defensive, even though she's admitted to Cory's face on multiple occasions that she likes him. So that was a "no" on trying, then.

The other members of the wrestling team inform Cory that he's going to have to fight for his spot, since someone else in his weight class wants to join. I'm 99% sure that's not how teams work. Either way, the newcomer is Joey the Rat, who is looking for a new activity in case Griff goes away somehow. Joey taunts Cory and makes a rat face and rat noises to scare him, or something. I guess they had to explain his nickname eventually, but I would have preferred not knowing.

There's a poorly shot slapstick scene in the gymnasium where Cory and Shawn watch Frankie try to teach sumo wrestling to Joey. Joey's not doing very well, until he just dropkicks Frankie to the ground, which instills fear in "Cory 'The Cory' Matthews", as he's called now. Yes, you say the whole thing, like "A Pimp Named Slickback". Cory must know literally nothing about wrestling, otherwise he wouldn't be worried about getting fucking dropkicked.

So the match starts and Cory sort of lucks into pinning Joey after about 5 seconds, earning him the jacket and the spot on the team. Joey isn't satisfied with this and challenges Cory to a rematch. When our hero declines, Joey calls him a coward and starts chanting "yellow" at him. Then we get a montage of Joey showing up in random places continuing the chant. It's kind of annoying, except that he looks adorable in this chef's hat.

You know, as I was drawing that I realized that arrows are sort of phallic, which gives a new layer of symbolism to that whole Cupid's-arrows-penetrating-stuff idea. Aren't you glad you read this blog?

Candy is looking 90s as fuck in those overalls and backwards hat. Shit belongs in a music video or somethin.

Cory eventually caves to the pressure and agrees to a fight. Thanks to his seemingly endless supply of resources, Griff manages to turn the whole thing into a spectacle in the school's gym. There's a huge crowd, spotlights, a miniature wrestling ring, and he's even got the late Robert Goulet to sing the national anthem. Mr. Goulet was evidently a pretty big deal, but all I know about him is that he was the singing voice of Mr. Wheezy at the end of Toy Story 2. And that's a good enough reason for me to like him.

Further celebrity attendees include Yasmine Bleeth, one of the stars of Baywatch between '93 and '97, and "eleven time heavyweight wrestling champion of the world, Vader", who is also Frankie's father. He's played by the former WWE wrestler of the same name. In real life, Vader was world heavyweight champion only three times. I don't know if that's good or not.

Either way, we've two Baywatch women and a WWE wrestler. This episode must have been a big deal for 13 year olds in the 90s. This must be the "thrilla" referred to in the title. The "Thrilla in Manila" was the final match between Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier for world heavyweight boxing champ back in 1975, which Ali won in an extremely close fight. All kinds of fun trivia today.

...Well this is just ridiculous.

Eric shows up too, and then the fight starts. Joey and Cory do a bunch of illegal-as-shit wrestling moves, and Cory pins Joey again after like 30 seconds. Remind me what exactly is intimidating about Joey. How did he get to be a thug in the first place? I dunno, but I'd put my money on my Butterfly Knife Theory from the 2x20 review. Pinned, Joey tags out to Frankie the Enforcer and Eric accidentally tags himself in for Cory. In a truly marvelous display of bravery and primal instinct, Eric makes some slick moves and pokes Frankie in the eye instead of running away screaming. Vader thinks this is taking too long and tells Frankie to tag him in. Eric is about to have his young life snuffed out by a very very large and sweaty man, BUT WAIT!

Hehhhhh, I just noticed something, look at the guy on the very far right, you can see the sleeve of his letter jacket at the beginning. Watch his face after Feeny flips over. Home boy looks like his acid just kicked in.

So Feeny defuses the situation and that's pretty much the end of that. This whole scene just felt like a giant middle finger to everyone looking for actual substance. They just wanted to show off some celebrities. Where did they get the money for that? I really think they could have built Feeny his own classroom with the money it took to hire these people. It's humorous enough once Feeny and Turner show up, but everything else in this scene just doesn't jive with me. Refer back to the graph.

The next day, in the only hallway in the school, Cory gives back his letter jacket to the lead jock, who is surprisingly understanding and says "you're okay, Matthews." More importantly, as you can see in this picture here,

the Goddess of Hair goes to John Adams High. Look at those curls. How is that even POSSIBLE. We never actually see her face though, and I might not be able to sleep tonight because of it.

Topanga joins the scene, needing to ask Cory a few more yearbook questions, and Shawn takes his leave to give them some privacy. Topanga says she still needs a quote to go with Cory's picture, and he asks what she put for hers. This is something you almost certainly remember if you've watched this series.

"I do my thing and you do your thing. You are you and I am I. And if in the end we end up together, it's beautiful."

It's one of those classic Cory+Topanga moments, and it is cute, but let's be real. That's a pretty contrived setup. What if Cory hadn't asked her just now? Why would she have just let that sit in the yearbook? That's the kind of thing you say to someone's face, or write it in a song or a poem, or something. It's completely meaningless as a yearbook quote. Maybe I'm just too jaded to see the magic in it. But like I said, it's a cute line, even though she says "end" twice within three words.

During the end credits, Cory's in detention with the thugs. But it's okay. "Detention with Griff" is a party! Robert Goulet shows up and starts performing in the classroom.

You can see the chalkboard behind them there, that's where Turner usually teaches from. And during Turner's class, the chalkboard Feeny uses is either covered up by or replaced with a corkboard.

Joey really brought a lot to this episode, and it was awesome to see Blake Sennett thrive. It's always a treat to see Adam Scott's Griff as well. If you have fond memories of Baywatch actresses or Robert Goulet, you'll want to catch this one. On the other hand, if you value and/or respect high school wrestling, maybe give this one a pass.

Plot: 0.66... - Threw a curveball atcha there, huh? That's a new score. But yeah, I liked this one for a while. We've seen Cory try to "be somebody" a few times now, but hey, in real life that's a struggle that never really ends, so that's okay. Joey hasn't had a parallel story like this before, so that was neat too. Unfortunately, they decided to throw it all away and tried to buy my interest with guest stars. Bad move.

Character Development: 1.0 - The romance between Cory and Topanga made significant progress at the end of this episode. Further, we got to see a new side of Joey the Rat (even though in 2x20 he blatantly said that he could never be anything other than a lackey).

Humor: 0.5 - Ehhhhh.....

Life Lesson: 0.5 - It's not a real life lesson, but "all the good lives are taken"... That just... I can't let go of that for some reason.

2.6666... out of 4. 

Only two more episodes left this season. Thanks for reading, see you Wednesday.

All images used under Fair Use.