Episode 4x21 "Cult Fiction"

Wow, this post has more views than Security Guy and I haven't even written anything yet. I hope it's worth the wait. This is a difficult episode to review. Lots of room for discussion in the comments.

Hooooooooly crap, it's Turner's class. We haven't been here in a long ass time. Look at Turner, with his adult haircut. He's handing back some papers, and Shawn's paper was apparently "bad". The bell rings and Turner digs into his former roommate like "Shawn, why aren't you taking school seriously? Do you even want to go to college? I care about you, so don't blow me off." That wasn't a direct quote, but this is: "Tick tock, the clock is moving and you are running out of time to figure out your life." That is the biggest load of nonsense that's ever come out of this show. One of the most destructive notions of our time is that you're supposed to know what you want to do with your life as soon as you graduate from college, or in this case high school. Nobody needs that kind of pressure, Turner.

Okay so that's a little different, that's more of "what kind of person are you going to be", rather than "what are you doing with your life". And that mirrors what we saw between Feeny and Eric in Security Guy, Feeny asking Eric "Who are you?" So in both cases we've got these father figures asking their proteges what kind of person they want to be, and that's cool.

This girl in the orange sweater on the right is named Sherri, and Shawn greets her like we're supposed to know who the hell she is. She's played by Tamara Mello, who was on 43 episodes of a show called Popular in 1999, but only small gigs besides that. Do you think she carries her binders the same way as every other girl on this show?

That is her actual line. Someone wrote that on a piece of paper and handed it to this girl to say in front of a camera. In real life.

Anyway Sherri is saying "Hey Turner was a jerk just now for judging you. Let's go on a date and I won't judge you." I missed the part where Turner judged Shawn. They lived together, I think he knows Shawn well enough to not be judging him at this point. Shawn goes along with it for some reason though (the reason rhymes with "moobs"), and agrees to the date. The date was for coffee, but the next scene opens on somewhere totally unrelated to coffee. Sherri presents it as "The Centre" (yes it's spelled that way) and everybody gives Shawn a big hug when they meet him. Sherri tells Shawn about "Mister Mack", a remarkable man who runs The Centre.

That's Mister Mack there on the left. He's played by Jerry Levine, who had a limited acting career, but he's done a lot of directing work over the years including five episodes of Boy Meets World in seasons six and seven. Betch'a didn't know that! 

The first time I saw this episode I thought this was gonna be a long, drawn out ordeal, but that was before I knew about BMW's "doesn't talk down to the audience" mode of operation, so it was a pleasant surprise to see Shawn understand the situation so quickly. But then it sort of goes downhill. Mack points out that Shawn is "judging" The Centre, the same way his "friends and teachers" judge him. Shawn comments that he doesn't like being judged, even though the only person on this show who's ever "judged" Shawn was Dana, and that turned out okay. So Shawn agrees to get to know The Centre before judging it, and in return they'll do the same for him.

Later that day (they're all wearing the same clothes) Shawn and Sherri are studying at Chubbie's (still not getting coffee) with two other girls from The Centre. Cory shows up and Shawn comments how much he likes The Centre. Is Cory worried? Only totally. For some reason, Cory takes this opportunity to ask Shawn what he "believes in".

Does this make sense to any of you? It feels completely out of place. This could have worked at the end of season 2, like right after Shawn's dad runs away? That would be a perfect time for Shawn to get pulled in by a cult, or even at the end of season 3 before his dad comes back. But here? Looking back over the season, Shawn's made a TON of progress. Janitor Dad, Dangerous Secret, Turkey Day, Easy Street, B & B's B 'n B, and Chick Like Me all have Shawn making great strides out of his "troubled youth" persona of the past. But now all of a sudden he's back to his old ways. Anyway Shawn's cult groupies interrupt the conversation and ferry Shawn out of the restaurant.

Now we're in Turner's classroom for some reason, and Turner wants to know what the fuck The Centre is. I'm guessing Cory is responsible for this. Shawn tries to explain that it's nice to be accepted and not-judged by a such a large group of people, even though everyone in the school accepts Shawn and doesn't judge him. Like, this entire crisis is based on one ten-second encounter with Mr. Turner the day before. Like me, Turner ain't buyin any of this shit.

First point of order, I love this dynamic. Shawn and Turner have always been a great team, and it's great to see Turner taking such an interest in Shawn again, after all this time. That aspect of this story feels very genuine and well founded. The rest of it? Not great. I emphasized Turner's line in that gif exactly how he said it, and it makes no sense. There was no mention at all of "belief systems" in this conversation before that, so I don't know why he said it that way. They should have led up to it somehow, like Shawn says "they have an inspiring set of beliefs that I agree with" or something. But as it is, in addition to Cory randomly bringing it up at Chubbie's, the whole "beliefs" thing is so overtly and blatantly shoehorned in here. The topic itself isn't the problem, it's just that it doesn't fit here. Like I said, Turner looking out for Shawn makes sense and feels right because it's been built up over the last three seasons. But "Shawn's beliefs" is coming out of nowhere. 

Shawn bails out of the room with an angsty "I don't know who I am." Later, Cory and Eric show up at The Centre looking for Shawn. Eric comments that they're all con men and charlatans, but gets suckered in anyway by a pretty girl. It's just for laughs though. Shawn comes out and argues with Cory about whether or not The Centre is a fucking nuthouse.

That's actually a fairly eloquent explanation of how cult leaders work. Good for you, Cory. But doesn't it just feel wrong? The last thing Shawn has ever been is insecure. Cory is the insecure one. He always has been. Like, yeah, Shawn's got abandonment issues, and he's a part-time criminal and womanizer. But this shit? The only trigger for Shawn joining a cult was getting lectured by Turner the other day. If his dad left again, or something else that actually relates to his character, then I might be able to believe this. But as it is, it just seems foolish.

Then Mister Mack walks up to a podium that's in the room for some reason and officially welcomes Shawn into the cult. Everyone applauds and hugs him.

She's been making that face in the background for this entire scene.

In the backyard of the Matthews house, Cory, his parents, and Feeny are preparing to drive down to The Centre and drag Shawn out kicking and screaming. Apparently Feeny's been trying to get the place closed down for a while, so he's well acquainted with Mack's shenanigans. But just then Eric and Shawn arrive. Apparently Eric has been kicked out of The Centre for only being interested in the hugs, and Shawn was just bringing him home. He's about to return to The Centre, and everbody's like "woah no you are fuckin not goin back there." Shawn thinks they're all attacking his new "beliefs" and his search for "something to believe in".

So am I! Except that it's completely out of character. It's like if Security Guy happened without any prior mention of Eric wanting to go to college. Actually that's exactly what it's like. They're trying to do this massive character development without any buildup whatsoever. It honestly feels like they're making shit up just to be dramatic.

Oh and I was actually just wondering where the fuck Shawn's parents are in all this, but Alan said that "as long as they're out of town, you're our responsibility". Even so, this seems like something that deserves a quick phone call. Either way, the phone rings inside Feeny's house. He comes back out and informs everyone that Mr. Turner has been in a serious motorcycle accident and asks Alan for a ride to the hospital. I can't imagine why Feeny is Turner's emergency contact, but fine. Everyone heads out except Shawn who says he'll meet them there.

We're in the hospital waiting room now with Feeny, the Matthews family, and Topanga. Shawn arrives with Mister Mack shortly after. Does that cause some tension? Only totally.

It's awesome to see Alan being so protective of Shawn, but can you imagine if that was Chet instead of Alan? That would be so epic. I reaaaaaaaaaaally wish Chet was around for all of this. The adults argue over Shawn, and Mack turns to take him and get outta Dodge, but the kids are nowhere to be found. It jumps over to the room where Mr. Turner is in what looks like a full body cast and he's unconscious, while our three heroes look on.

Shawn doesn't like seeing Turner this way, and tries to leave but Cory turns the fuckin safety off and demands that Shawn stay and deal with the reality of the situation. He takes Topanga, leaving Shawn alone with Mister Turner.

Shawn starts talking to his unconscious English teacher, and it starts off really awesome. "Even when I was at The Centre, it was all the things that you taught me that made me wonder if it was the right place for me or not. But you didn't teach me enough." And that's awesome. Since the end of season 3, there have been almost no references to the fact that they literally lived together for a while. So it's great to see all of those feelings that seemed to be left behind coming back for one final hoorah. And, as you should recognize by now, it's awesome because it's founded on everything we've seen so far. But then things take an odd turn.

Let's pause for a moment. Pirates of the Caribbean is a great movie, right? I seriously doubt anyone came out of that movie saying "boy that sucked, cursed Aztec gold isn't real." When you watch the movie, you accept the premise that cursed skeleton pirates are real, and evaluate the movie from that perspective. Similarly, the viewer's belief or lack of belief in a god is a non-factor here, because in the Boy Meets World universe, God exists. That is the premise that we accept when we watch this scene, just like we accept cursed Aztec gold, and so that's the perspective we take to evaluate this scene.

Even so, I still think this is ridiculous. If Shawn had even remotely touched on spirituality at any point in the show before this episode, I would probably be okay with this development. I totally understand the appeal of a spiritual revelation, and this has the potential to be profound for a character who's been struggling with this journey for a while. But for Shawn Hunter, it doesn't make any sense.

At least now it's obvious why they used the word "belief" a thousand times leading up to this. And again, that would be fine if it were spaced out over the season. But it just doesn't work when it's all crammed into one episode.

Starting from the paragraph above that gif to the end of the preceding paragraph, that's the line of thought that made me want to start this blog in the first place. Fun fact. Anyway Shawn begs God not to take Turner away from him, in a sort of yelling-prayer, which I guess if Shawn is going to do some sort of praying, that's how he would do it. One way or the other, Rider Strong acts the hell out of this scene, another reason why I say "yeah this could work if it actually made any sense." At the end of the scene, Shawn grabs Turner's hand and we see Turner's hand squeeze back a little bit in response.

I think this scene would have been a thousand times better without the God stuff, it just seems so random. The ending of Security Guy? Yeah we saw that coming. You could even see Long Walk to Pittsburgh's ending coming (and we mostly all agreed that that ending was still ridiculous). So for this ending, that came out of absolutely nowhere, I don't see how you could honestly tell me that it works.

During the credits, Shawn tells off Mister Mack .

Plot: 0.50 - It's an interesting premise. Cults are interesting. Being lost and feeling alone are interesting. Two seasons ago Shawn was lost and alone, but not lately. It could have been a cool story if it weren't such bad timing.

Character Development: 0.25 - Same thing as plot. It could have been okay if it actually made sense for the character. One thing I've always loved about this show is how Cory and Shawn give each other what they need. Shawn brings excitement to Cory's drudgery and Cory brings stability to Shawn's chaos, moreso in this season than any other, so why was it suddenly not enough? I just don't buy it.

Humor: 0.25 - Eric was funny, but 90% of this one was super serious.

Life Lesson: 0.50 - The only way out of a cult is to find spirituality? You can (and probably want to) make the argument that it's not about spirituality in particular, but rather about finding something to hold on to, to guide you and inspire you, to prevent all the shit that comes from feeling lost. And I totally dig that. But if that's really what they were going for, then why choose a God story? Shawn has a ton of other things he could hold on to. The only reason I can think of for ending this the way they did is if Michael Jacobs said "hey let's make this one a God episode". Why else would they do this for a character that has never even mentioned religion before?

1.50 out of 4.0. I'm sure some people are unhappy with that. The pleading-with-God probably resonates with some viewers on a personal level, and that's absolutely fine, but it doesn't make sense for Shawn.

Thanks for reading. I'm sure there will be lots of opinions in the comments, but let's try to keep it civilized. *EDIT* I was wrong, there are no opinions.

All images used under Fair Use.

Episode 4x20 "Security Guy"

"Sneak Attack", the latest episode of Girl Meets World: Pretty darn good. Farkle got toned down to an appropriate level, the little brother is infinitely superior to Morgan, and Maya kicks ass. And it was funny.

Let's turn our attention back to the Boy. Eric fucked up. Bad. He arranged for a bear that's been on TV to come hang out at the store to draw in customers. Except the customers aren't allowed anywhere near the bear, i.e they can't actually come in the store. So Eric's effectively cost his father $5,000 and gained next to nothing.

That's the same guy that played Mark- sorry, Ranger Mark- in City Slackers. Eric gets fired immediately. The next morning at breakfast, Amy agrees with Alan's decision to fire Eric since he has a history of fucking up. She didn't use those exact words, but you read between the lines. But Eric comes downstairs ready to go to work, clearly oblivious to the fact that he was fired.

Buuuut Alan and Amy make it abundantly clear at this point that he is very much fired, leaving him speechless. This is a nice turn of events. At the height of 4x18, Eric thought he had all his ducks in a row, but then he lost Kelly, and now he's lost his job. Where will he turn next?

After an undisclosed amount of time, Cory, Shawn, and Topanga are in the living room continuing to study for their SATs. Man, 4x19 seems really out of place now. They probably should have switched the order of 18 and 19, so that we get more of a flowing story about the SATs and Eric's life falling apart. Anyway Shawn's talking about how he doesn't want to go to college, but Cory convinces him to take the SAT just to see. Shawn agrees under the impression that the test is only 10 minutes long.

In the kitchen, Amy and Alan are trying to figure out why Eric can't get his shit together. Amy explains that because Eric was their first born, they coddled him and were overprotective of him.

Wuh oh. Alan's in denial. This is interesting though. Usually it's the mother who's sort of overprotective, but Amy is definitely the reasonable one here. In fact, we've seen this dynamic before, back when Eric wanted to be a weather man and drop out of school. Alan was incredibly harsh on him, but Amy was more understanding. She's tried to let Eric find his own way, while Alan continues to think he knows what's best for Eric.

Amy suggests they get a second opinion about Eric from Mr. Feeny, which might be the smartest thing she's done in the series. Feeny comments that Eric could get passing grades in his sleep, and that, in fact, he did, which must be a callback to that sleep study he did back in 3x07.

So they're basically assigning the "lazy but smart" archetype to Eric here, which is probably a long-time coming. He's had a few brilliant schemes in the past, and almost always succeeds when he actually tries at something. And let's not forget the time he rolled over Feeny and Turner at poker.

 But then Eric comes outside dressed as a security guard, his apparent new job. Both of his parents and Mr. Feeny all tell Eric that this stupid job is "the easy way out". Naturally, he doesn't take that very well, and tells his parents he's moving out before storming off to a round of "ooOOOoooo" from the audience.

At school, Cory and Topes fires off some super easy, fake SAT questions when Shawn is nearby to try to boost his confidence and inspire him to attend Feeny's SAT prep/review sessions. They then drag Feeny himself into the mess by convincing him to offer cake and a "carnival-like atmosphere" at his sessions to entice Shawn.

The whole scene is hilarious, and it's really sweet that they're all going the extra mile for Shawn.

Meanwhile, Eric shows up at Alan's store with his security guard partner Ronnie Patel. Ronnie goes to look around while Eric and his father hash things out. Alan tells the story of putting on these rubber gloves for safety purposes in the delivery room when Eric was born. And now, twenty years later, he's realized that he never took off those gloves.

Look at both of these actors. The scene is beautifully performed, and it's really powerful. Alan has pulled off those gloves and slapped Eric right across the face with them. We're getting down to the meat and potatoes of this father-son relationship and it's awesome.

Eric is left speechless, and the next scene fades in outside John Adams High, where Eric and Ronnie have been conveniently stationed this evening. Where were the security guys last season when this place got vandalized like twenty times? Maybe that's why they got security guards. Anyway, to pass the time, Ronnie asks Eric for help studying for the SAT, and pulls out a little study booklet. See, back in India Ronnie was an engineer, but America doesn't give a shit and so he has to start over. And he's willing to, saying that anything worth having is worth working hard for. He then comments how the US is full of opportunities to live out dreams, like how Eric is living his dream of being a "security guy".

OH SHIT!

OHHHHHH SHITTTTT!!!!!!!!

Damn son. What a great line. Eric tries to turn it back on him, but Ronnie's just like "Nah, I'm an engineer. And soon, they will know it." Ronnie is a fucking boss, you guys. I love this guy. And I think Eric is here like "holy shit, hard work really can get you pretty far". But before he has time to say it, they spy someone trying to break in to the school, but it's just Mr. Feeny. Feeny suggests Eric come inside for the SAT prep course, but Eric's like "come on man maybe I'm not someone who's supposed to go to college", and Feeny fires back with "Maybe you're someone who gives up too easily," and heads inside with a solemn "Who are you?" That line calls back what Ronnie said earlier, when he so energetically declared he is an engineer. And it's a good opportunity for the viewers to bring themselves in, and wonder if they can answer that question. 

Time jumps forward to Eric wandering in front of the window to the classroom with Feeny's prep session. Some sensitive clarinet and guitar music plays as Eric looks in and pulls out the SAT booklet Ronnie was using, and starts to study in tandem with the class. 

Ah, the well placed, appropriate humor in the heat of seriousness. That's basically this show's trademark. 

Heads up, the show is about to start raining emotion on us. Like, three of the biggest bombs in the series are about to drop. First, after a 3-week time skip, Shawn, Cory, and Topanga arrive at Feeny's door having just taken the SAT. It sounds like they're angry with him, having made them work so incredibly hard for this one little test, and then...

Did anyone else's heart just grow three sizes?

Next, we're at Alan's store and Eric has another heart-to-heart with his father. Alan says that he still believes Eric can be whoever he wants to be if he works hard and doesn't take the easy way out. Eric replies that he tried as hard as he could and slaps the sealed envelope containing his SAT scores down on the counter top. Amy opens it up, and excitedly informs her son that he scored 200 points higher than the last time he took the test. Bomb number 2.

That shit chokes me up every single time. The gif doesn't do it justice, William Russ absolutely nails that line, it's completely perfect and all you want in the world is for Alan to be proud of you too. Eric finally sees what can happen when he tries as hard as he can. And it's a realistic score for him too, it was like 1120 or something (back when the test was out of 1600). Absolutely beautiful. It's a Top 5 scene, no question about it. Alan follows that up with "I knew you could do it" and Eric spills out "I knew I could do it too." 

During the credits, Eric does the Feeny Call in the middle of the night. He wants his mentor's help choosing a college, and eventually Feeny caves and tells Eric to go put on some coffee. Bomb number three.

Jesus Christ. The staff were well aware of how powerful this, they made sure there wouldn't be any credits while Eric was saying that last line.

You really need to watch the last five minutes of this episode on your own, if not the whole thing. I can't even convey how incredibly powerful the end of this episode was.

Plot: 1.0 - It was wonderful. Convincing Shawn to come to the prep course was a great sub plot, and watching Eric struggle to tread water and find his way was fantastic. I honestly loved every minute of it. 

Character Development: 2.0 - Fuck you, Eric deserves 2 points. "I knew I could do it too." And our gang of three heroes came to appreciate Feeny's teaching methods. It's all fantastic.

Humor: 1.0 - The subplot with Shawn and his cake was hysterical. Eric was mostly serious but funny sometimes too.

Life Lesson: 1.0 - Don't take the easy way out. Be Ronnie Patel.

5.0 out of 4.0. The highest score yet. This might be my favorite episode in the series. This and City Slackers are definitely top 3. If you haven't caught on yet, Eric is the best character this season. By far. I've seen this episode many times, and it never loses the charm. This is everything Mr. Feeny has been working toward. This is the payoff. Everyone blossomed in this episode, even Alan. It's the perfect episode. It's perfect.

THANK YOU FOR READING. I LOVE THIS EPISODE. SEE YOU WEDNESDAY FOR A VERY DIFFERENT SORT OF EPISODE.

All images used under Fair Use.

Episode 4x19 "Quiz Show"

I just noticed, at the beginning of the theme song, what is this scene in the sky supposed to be? Shawn is playing a guitar and they're all singing and grooving. It's definitely not from the one where Cory and Shawn pretend to be in a band, so I have no idea what it's supposed to be.

A businesswoman is taking a very rude tone with Mr. Feeny on the set of a TV quiz show. The show features two teams of three, but only Topanga is here to represent John Adams High since "the bus broke down". Feeny must have driven himself here, and Cory+Shawn drove Topanga. So I guess they needed a bus for the other two people. Coulda just carpooled, Feeny, maybe give a shit about the environment? Anyway the John Adams team are going to have to forfeit unless they can find two replacements.

Feeny would rather forfeit than face this embarrassment, but the show must go on. It jumps ahead to the end of the match, and it's 20 to 0 in favor of the other team. Topanga answers the next question correctly though. So even if the other two guys had been here, it doesn't seem like our girl would have contributed very much. Either way, Cory and Shawn are being very theatrical and enthusiastic about their team's single point, and the game in general, which elicits a response from the crowd not normally seen on this boring ass quiz show. Hm, that's going to be confusing. If I use the word "show" in this post, I mean the quiz show, and "episode" will refer to Boy Meets World. Same with "crowd" and "audience", respectively.

Some guy with "Oahu Beach Face Saver Pads" comes out of absolutely nowhere and tells the businesswoman/set manager that he would spend a lot of money for advertising space if she can keep the show as interesting as it's been with Shawn and Cory. Fueled by greed, she gives the show's host a new set of questions targeted toward Shawn and Cory.

Shawn and Cory give a detailed and thorough tag-team answer, which probably isn't allowed but whatever. The crowd goes crazy again, and even Topanga starts to ham it up a bit. A quick scene at home has Cory informing his parents that he's the new champion of High School Quiz, and then we're back at the next taping of the show, which has been renamed "Knowledge Fever". The rest of the Matthews family are in the crowd and Amy asks her husband how their dumb ass son could possibly be on this elite show. Alan doesn't know, but maybe Feeny does.

Definitely one of my favorite lines in the series.

The show is completely overrun with advertisements for Oahu Beach Face Savers (they make acne treatments). Shawn answers the first question about Pamela Anderson on Baywatch as soon as he hears that the question is about Baywatch, the guy doesn't even have a chance to ask the question. It's pretty funny, but I'm once again forced to ask why Boy Meets World is so intimately related to Baywatch. The show has to take a break for a "word from our sponsor, because that's the way the world works" after the very first question, so we're definitely seeing some themes about "the money people" corrupting a tv show's artistic integrity. Do you want to make High School Quiz Show or Knowledge Fever? Firefly or Jersey Shore? There's no objectively right answer, but it sounds like Michael Jacobs is a fan of artistic integrity.

The "word from our sponsor" is some dancers with signs for Oahu Beach and some weird rap about acne. It's annoying, but I guess that's the point. After that shit, Shawn and Cory tag-team another question about some cartoons of the 90s, raising their score from 1 million to 3 million points. The host announces that this wins them the game, even though it's only been two questions. They could have easily given us a fadeout/in to make it look like time had passed, but they didn't even try.

I guess John Adams is going to play against another school after a commercial break. The set manager comes over and asks the our three heroes to make things more interesting for the folks at home. She wants Cory to scrunch up his brow and look unsure, Shawn to put on his "thoughtful pouty sexy lips", and Topanga to flirt with the camera. Topanga doesn't like the idea and preferred the show how it used to be, but immediately falls under the spell of conveniently timed cheers for her from the crowd.

We're at the ten minute mark now and I am wholly uninterested. I'm totally down with the theme about creative integrity, but this has been so poorly put together. Every single scene at the quiz show is just fuckin sloppy, it's like they had a 10 dollar budget and 30 minutes to film the whole thing. It's funny, but not any funnier than other episodes that are actually interesting.

In class, Feeny is teaching about Gutenberg's printing press, which was certainly a revolutionary invention. But nobody gives a shit. Cory and Shawn are signing autographs for girls in the class. Shawn tells Feeny that it doesn't matter if Gutenberg invented the printing press, since pop culture knowledge and good looks are responsible for his newfound fame and success.

Well, Cory does have some practice at being a clown, from back in season 1 episode 6.

So now a sort of debate begins. Cory and Shawn argue that they're absorbing the right types of knowledge since they're the reigning champions of Knowledge Fever, but Feeny says they're merely the champions of a generation whose "verbal and mathematical skills have sunk so low when you have the highest level of technology at your fingertips". I looked up average SAT scores over the years (this episode aired in '96), and the average Verbal score definitely went straight down the toilet from the 70s to 1996, but Math scores stayed about the same.

He goes on to say that Gutenberg's generation thirsted for a new book every sixth months, while modern times get a new web page every six seconds, and that they use this amazing age of technology "to beat King Koopa". To ice it all off, he glares at the entire class and spits a rock hard "Shame on you, you deserve what you get", and then walks out on his students. You can watch the full clip here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIRuytyuzoY

I completely agree with the notion that people care way too much about pop culture stuff, but the part about technology is ridiculous. Mr. Feeny himself does gardening, paints, goes fishing, meets with some woman in Boston... Why does he do those things instead of reading literature and textbooks? Not every moment has to be some profound ascension of knowledge. No one spends every moment learning. There is absolutely nothing wrong with "beating King Koopa". There is no inherent superiority to, say, gardening, over video games or snapchatting or words with friends or whatever. Maybe I'm focusing on it too hard, but it just doesn't resonate with me at all and I think he seriously overreacted.

Now we're back at the quiz show, which is now named "Huh! That's Cool". John Adams are playing against Einstein Academy, the same school they faced on Knowledge Fever, but with different students and different school uniforms (re: sloppy). The old host has been replaced with a woman named Kiki. She introduces Einstein Academy and the crowd boos, and then she introduces John Adams High with new nicknames.

Kiki asks John Adams where the moon is located, and they just point at the ceiling. That's the correct answer and it earns them "800 million points".

But the scoreboard says 8 million trillion points. The "million trillion" part being glued onto the side is tongue-in-cheek, I think, which is funny on its own, but it doesn't match the script! It would be extremely easy for the script to actually match what's going on, but they just didn't bother. Next, Kiki asks Einstein Academy how much the moon weighs, which is a fucking bullshit trick question. The kid gives the correct mass of the moon, but mass and weight are different, and he probably should have known that, so fine. Shawn gives the correct answer of "it doesn't weigh anything, because if it did it would fall on us", raising their score to 16 million trillion points. It's supposed to be funny, and it definitely is, but it's honestly a better answer than Einstein Academy gave. Then Einstein Academy get attacked by some guys with spears.

Nothin weird about that. Once again, the show goes to a commercial break after 30 seconds of actual show, but maybe that's supposed to be meta commentary. The businesswoman/set manager approaches our heroes with the Oahu Beach Face Savers guy, and informs them that they'll be needed on location in Oahu for six weeks to film some shit for the show. That is not how things work. That is not how anything works. They don't want to miss six weeks of school, and ask for some time to think about it. Is this over yet? Christ.

At the next taping for the show, our heroes demand that some "intelligent questions" be asked at some point. The set manager ominously replies "We were prepared for this." The show begins and Kiki introduces John Adams, and then their very special opponents all the way from Malibu, California, "Viper Jones, Surfer Girl, and Moon Dogget".

The crowd loves these hair-beasts. So was this the contingency plan for when the John Adams team didn't want to win anymore? Were these kids just like, locked in the basement in case of emergency? If Malibu were going to be their opponents anyway, what was the point of saying "we were prepared for this"? Whatever.

It skips ahead to the end of the game, where the score is tied.

So they've both answered one question correctly? Why did it go by 8's before? I realize that we're not supposed to be paying attention to these details, but it really doesn't seem like they tried at all. Apparently this last question is for Shawn only, and of course she asks who invented the printing press.

Shawn's had that cartilage piercing this whole season, I think it looks pretty cool.

But yeah! We haven't heard that in a while! I've talked about that core theme in the past, but on those occasions it was Cory who said it. "I don't know anything," or some variation of that. Definitely one of the most important themes in this show, and I really like the transition from "I know everything that matters" to "I don't know anything".

The three stooges show up early to Feeny's class the next day and ask him to teach them something. It's sweet.

They waited until the last 30 seconds of the episode to do it, but they got me.

Plot: 0.25 - It sucked. Boyyyyyyy did it suck. Almost all of the episode was spent showing us matches on the quiz show. It was really slow and static, I just felt no reason to keep watching. Compare that to 4x18 where I couldn't stop watching.

Character Development: 0.75 - I like where Shawn ended up. Cory just sort of silently made the same change after Feeny walked out on the class, but I would have liked to see it in more detail, like they did with Shawn.

Humor: 0.75 - Eh.

Life Lesson: 0.5 - Get a good education, I guess. Maybe try to pay a little less attention to pop culture.

2.25 out of 4.0 - Maybe I'm just in a mood today, but I didn't really enjoy this one at all. I'd watch 4x18 three times in a row before I watch this one once. It felt sloppy and poorly developed. There was a good idea buried deep in there, but it just didn't come out. Is it a coincidence that this boring episode had almost no Eric? Hmmmmmmm......

No badges. Thanks for reading. See you next week to finish season 4.

All images used under Fair Use.

Episode 4x18 "Uncle Daddy"

Oh cool it's an Eric episode.

The long-haired Matthews brother is on a date with an attractive woman at Chubbie's. It's established pretty quickly that she's a few years older than Eric, a fact complemented by her slightly-deeper-than-average, mature sounding voice. Thumbs up to the casting director. Eric starts to try to plan a date for the next day, which will be the third day in row they've done stuff, and she says "that's starting to sound kind of serious, how well do we really know each other?"

I'm sold.

Anyway, Eric says he wants to know everything about her, and she responds with an invitation back to her apartment. Eric is indeed a heterosexual male, so the scene jumps to the couple about to enter her front door (her apartment's front door, you animals). She (I still haven't heard her name yet) informs Eric that if he wants to have a relationship with her, he has to have a relationship with someone else as well. When she opens the door we see another very attractive woman waiting on the couch. All signs point to... the menage... Seinfeld? Anybody? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6_pv_vRHKI

Unlike Jerry, Eric is gung ho for the menage, but his dreams are crushed. The other woman is in fact the babysitter, and the woman's son runs out into the living room right on cue.

Every male child actor in Hollywood has this haircut, the Zack and Cody hair, and it pisses me off, I fuckin hate looking at it, I don't know why. The kid's name is Ryan, and he's played by Justin Cooper. Cooper was in Liar Liar the same year that this episode aired, but that's about it. As far as child actors go though, I'm super impressed, he's doing a great job. We still haven't heard his mom's name, but I skipped ahead and it's Kelly, and she's played by Brittney Powell. Powell was on 78 episodes of General Hospital and a lot of small one-time roles, but nothing jumps out at me. Well, except a movie titled Stacy's Mom from 2010, which I have not seen, but from the name I can guess what it's about. And that is exactly what it's about. Powell plays "Stacy's Mom", the main character, and it looks like the plot is that some teenage guys wanna sleep with her. So it's basically the same role. That's kinda funny.

Eric doesn't quite know what to say to this news, and the scene fades out and back in at Cory's room. Here, Cory and Shawn are doing some practice SATs. Shawn has a seizure after a tough question and flees through the window. Eric comes in and Cory asks him how his date with Kelly went.

But Eric comments that he thinks he's ready for an adult relationship, and wants to continue seeing Kelly. On that note, the scene fades to Kelly's living room. There's a knock at the door, and it's none other than Eric Matthews with a bouquet of tulips or some shit, I don't know fuckin flowers, what do you think this is? Boy Meets Flowers Reviewed? Written by ConfidenceFlowers? Nuh uh.

Eric says THE most romantic shit I've ever heard, and it's not even cheesy or anything. Kelly gets about as starry-eyed as I did after that, but Ryan "The Human Cockblock" runs in like "yo sup guys". He's nervous about Eric at first, but Eric buddies up to him like a god damn pro almost immediately.

I always have a giant smile during this part. It's incredibly sweet, and genuine. This script was written by a guy named Steve Young, who didn't write any other episodes of this show, but he currently writes for The Late Show, and he's a Harvard grad, so this guy is definitely a quality writer.

 Eric takes them off to dinner at Chubbie's. They've just finished eating, and Eric gives Ryan some quarters to go play pinball. What's crazy is that the pinball machine has actually been there in past episodes, giving us a rare instance of background-continuity.

No, not the quarters. To paraphrase, she wants to know how Eric can be completely perfect, a total fucking catch, and not be scared off by Ryan. Eric says her maturity and life experience are appealing, and that he enjoys palling around with Ryan. Cory and Shawn show up and Shawn keeps referring to Ryan as "the baby". Cory invites his older brother to see a movie with them, and Eric wants to go, but Kelly and Ryan have to get home. So Eric declines, and offers to read Ryan a bedtime story back at Kelly's place.

OKAY LISTEN UP. If you are currently dating or are interested in dating a single mother, watch this episode of Boy Meets World and TAKE SOME GODDAMN NOTES. Holy CRAP he is on FIRE.

 Kelly is extremely pleased with this offer, but Cory looks a little concerned. We're in the living room at the Matthews house now, so it must be the next day, and Topanga has joined the boys for SAT prep. She asks Shawn a trigonometry question to induce a stroke, since she wants to be alone with Cory.

Eric comes downstairs and talks about how his life is coming together. Cory suggests that Eric take the SAT again and try for a better score so he can get into college, but Eric's not too concerned about college now that he's got this steady, adult relationship.

I guess I haven't done a lot of reviewing so far, but this episode is amazing. Eric has spent a lot of time searching for fulfillment, and it seems like he might have found it (without Feeny's help, I might add). He's got great chemistry with Kelly while also being hilarious, Ryan is significantly better than most child actors, and we're even having fun with this SAT sub plot. Overall it's been an absolute joy to watch the first half.

So now Alan and Amy come home, and they're lookin pissed. Apparently Cory was the last to use the family car, and brought it back with almost no gas. His parents got about 3 blocks before it ran out, so Alan takes away Cory's car privileges for the next week. Eric follows his parents into the kitchen, and just then Kelly arrives outside, signaled by a honk of her car's horn. Amy invites her inside since her and Alan still haven't met this girl that Eric's so interested in.

Buuuuuuuuuuuuut then they meet Ryan.

Morgan comes in trying to go play Laser Tag with Eric, Kelly, and Ryan, thinking that Ryan is Kelly's little brother. Awkward, but she's just sayin what everybody else is thinkin. She even apologizes, and ultimately goes with them.

Later, the date is over and Eric is in his room trying on a tuxedo in the same way that young girls wear princess dresses and imagine fairy tale weddings. Also in the room is Cory prepping for the SAT. I don't know where this work ethic suddenly came from, but here it is. Cory suggests once again that Eric retake the test and try to get into college, but Eric says he'll just skip college and jump to what the job he wanted to do after college.

One of the funniest lines in the series, and it's a lot better if you actually hear it. This is great! Usually we've got Alan or Feeny looking out for Eric's future, making sure he doesn't do something stupid, but this time it's his brother. Actually, now that I think about it, it's almost like Shawn and Eric have switched places for this episode. Shawn is being silly and dopey and inconsequential, while Cory tries to help Eric make a tough decision. We've got brotherhood rather than bromance, and it's pretty awesome.

Now Eric is in the back room at Chubbie's with Ryan, after evidently spending the whole day together. This kid is not getting a balanced diet. Cory, Shawn, and Topanga arrive because FUCK ME, I GUESS. I can't explain it anymore. Shawn still calls Ryan "the baby". They ask Eric to join them for some 2v2 billiards, which may or may not actually be a thing, and Ryan reluctantly tells Eric it's okay, even though he'll only be like 2 feet away. Ryan asks Eric for some ice cream money, which he gives him, and then Ryan runs off toward the register. However, a few seconds later, he is nowhere to be seen.

It jumps to Kelly's apartment, where the dialogue informs us that Eric found Ryan pretty quickly at the curb outside, but then "flipped out" and yelled at him for running off. Kelly is totally cool about it though, saying that Ryan won't hold a grudge or anything, and she's definitely understanding toward Eric. She doesn't say it but she probably would have done the same thing.

Eric comments that Ryan needs so much, and wonders how Kelly can take care of him every day. She gives Eric a very explicit, wide open escape route, saying that he still has a lot of options in life and that he should take advantage of those options, instead of trying to be a dad before he's ready. Eric insists that he's not "looking to get out of this".

Seriously, this is the most compelling romance in the series. I dream of a future where these two are reunited. Every single scene is absolutely adorable. After the line in that gif, Ryan calls for his mother, and she heads to his bedroom after saying goodbye to Eric. Eric sullenly and slowly heads out the door. It is heartbreaking.

At home, Amy and Alan are watching TV when Cory tries to sneak in through the front door. They know Cory took the car and raise his punishment to two weeks. Cory thinks his dad is being intentionally harsh on him, but Eric has also just come home and interjects. With what he learned from the crisis with Ryan, Eric explains to Cory that their father hates getting angry at him, and punishing him, but it's part of the job of fatherhood. Alan is impressed with Eric's insight, and comments that he might be ready to be a dad after all.

I think that might be a quick conclusion to jump to there Alan, but I love what they were going for there.

During the credits some bull shit happens, whatever.

Plot: 1.0 - Eaaaaaaaaasy point. This story was wonderful. It flowed so well, there were no slow points, and I had trouble writing this review because I never wanted to pause it. Compelling, interesting, and exciting. An awesome take on a very realistic scenario.

Character Development: 1.0 - Eric's been getting a little too complacent this season! Working at his dad's store has been comfortable and easy, he hasn't had any challenges for the most part. Just when he starts to think he's ready to be a full fledged adult, he gets a tough reminder of just how unready he is.

Humor: 1.0 - Only Eric can single handedly pull in the plot and humor badges. If Cory's the main character, Shawn (or Eric) has to bring in the humor. If Shawn's in charge, Cory brings the humor (I know I've talked about that a lot). But Eric carried everything in this show. Shawn was funny too, but that's just an added bonus.

Life Lesson: 0.5 - This one was tough. There's no single lesson that really got focused on. There are bits of "don't grow up too fast", "go to college", "dating a single parent and being a single parent are different", "being a father means being there for the good and the bad", and maybe some others, but I can't really say that any one of them was built up enough for the point. Maybe the last one. I don't know, who the hell cares about the scores anyway.

3.5 out of 4.0. Seen it a hundred times, will continue to see it a hundred more times. It's great. It has no faults from start to finish. Except eating at Chubbie's five times a week. A fantastic look at an adult relationship after the romantic train wreck in Long Walk Part 2. Eric and Kelly didn't try to "Romeo and Juliet" their way through their problem like Corpanga did. They acknowledged the problem for what it was, and dealt with it in the most responsible way, even though it hurt both of them. THIS is Boy Meets World. Eric is the best character.

Thanks for reading! 4x19 will be posted tomorrow (Friday).

All images used under Fair Use.